CARE Fertility Bulletin Board

Wenna · 12 Nov 2008

Hutchy, Rosemummy,

I hope that tomorrow is as gentle as possible for you both, I'm releasing a lantern tomorrow for all our angels and I will be thinking of you both. I've had a good cry these past couple of nights as it draws closer and i know i will tomorrow but I know we'll all make it through the day......

We're all strong ladies and i to wish the "sanctuary" didn't have to exist for any of us but we'll be in each others thoughts. And we have our babies with us always one day we'll celebrate Christmas with them but they're all watching over us till then.

Take care of yourselves and be gentle to each other

Love Wen xxx

janetteph · 29 Sep 2006

Dear all i know how hard this day will be for you, i have been thinking about you all with great saddness when all around will celebrating i just wish you all could be celebrating too , i do hope today is not too disstressing , with much love to you all janette...

Marshmallow · 05 Jun 2006

Hi ladies,

I hope that yesterday was at least a little bit bearable. I know it was difficult for me, but I've already had the hurdle of the first Christmas without my little girl, who would have been 18 months old yesterday, and if things had worked out with little bean I'd now be over 34 weeks pregnant...

We took our lantern to Kitty's snowy little garden yesterday morning along with some pretty flowers for her and even though there were tears, I tried to comfort myself thinking that our little ones were going to be going to Jesus' birthday party in heaven. I'm trying to be optimistic, in fact I'm having to be because I start my d/r injections tonight for our 6th attempt next month. I know in my heart of hearts that I will be a mum again and I send this prayer out for all of you who have lost little ones in the past few months and years that we will very soon be getting the cuddles and snuggles from our little ones we so deserve.

Sending you all gentle hugs and love

Alex xxx

Hutchy · 30 Aug 2007

Alex - Just want to wish you all the luck in the world for your treatment, you truly deserve to be holding your baby next Christmas.. I am sure Kitty was looking down on you both on Christmas day, I can't believe she would have been 18 months, where has that time gone!!! I would have been 23 weeks on Christmas day too, it is so hard not to keep thinking about what stage we should be at... Please stay in touch and I will be watching your progress...

Rosemummy - How are you, I hope you managed to get through the day ok with your DD, just want you to know that I am still thinking about you all...

Wenna - I hope that Christmas was ok for you too, did you manage to release your lantern ok?

I managed to get through the day ok although I thought about Archie all day which was really upsetting... There was an awkward moment at my sisters house when my 2 yr old niece got a baby doll that cried as the whole room went quiet which made me feel really uncomfortable.... It really hurt me though that none of my family asked me how I was and if I was ok, its as if Archie never existed!!

Love n hugs to you all...

Hutchy xx

rosemummy · 04 Dec 2009

Dear ALl
Thought I would just pop in briefly to let you all know that I was thinking of you all at Christmas. The collective pain is so bad, I feel so sorry for all of us on this part of the BB.

Our Christmas was OK, though I did have some very dodgy moments. 5 weeks it was since my baby died on Christmas Day, it will 5 weeks tomorrow that she was born along with her brother. This was never far from my thoughts and never will be. Our DD was so overjoyed with her gifts and the magic of Christmas it did momentarily take some of the pain away and we did make an effort to make it special.

Hutchy, your family probably didn't know what to say....a crap excuse I agree but people are funny when dealing with bereavement at the best of times....let alone when a baby dies. Nobody asked us this weekend how we were (have been at my MIL)...so a similar situation, just not on Xmas day.

Wenna, my heart goes out to you....

Alex, my fingers are crossed for you. Good luck and a positive mental attitude!!!

I'll post again tomorrow

Love
Rosemummy

nicknacknoo · 04 May 2009

Hi ladies,

I haven't posted on this thread as also did not want to intrude, but I have been following you all closely these past few weeks & recent days. I have been thinking of you all & saying a little prayer for us all to keep strong & to feel protected, also for us all to move on & be able to have our dreams realised. I would say I am not religious, but I really do find myself, thinking of you all & kind of saying a little prayer, knowing that our pain, sadness & wishes are the same.

I have really appreciated the support that you Wenna & Robbo have given me over this past year, I give thanks to you both. I have found alot of comfort in knowing that there are others out there who truly understand.

Hutchy & Rosemummy, my heart has been breaking for you both. Hutchy, I felt like I was living the experience with you. I couldn't even face coming on here for a good few days, but have never stopped thinking about you both every day & the difficulties you have had to face.

Wenna - Have been thinking of you too, One of my closest friends saw a realeased lantern in the sky, just as we were talking over the phone. I talked about you & told her you had realesed one. It made me think again about us all, how you should be celebrating the 1st Christmas with your girls.

Have been reading your Christmas experiences. I am really close to my family & they too did not ask how I was feeling, not about my loss as such, but when brother asked how are you Nick, I thought I am going to say, in a controlled way. I explained that for me it was harder than any of them could ever imagine.To feel so much sadness, I should have two 10 month boys now crawling around our feet, driving us crazy, but bringing such happiness too. Also if my NP had continued I would now be 30 weeks pregnant & here I am 40yrs old, having to find that inner strenghth to try again. Yes there was a bit of an uncomfortable silence, but that's how I feel. I am not going to always say I am ok when the truth is, I feel so much pain.

I really hope I am not sounding too negative about it all, because that is not how I am feeling. We can all get pregnant, that is a real positive. The pain does heal, it never goes, you start to learn to live with it.

When I think of you all I shall be sending you the positive thoughts that I shall be working on for myself. I send you all big hugs & hope you are all protected from having to go through anything like this again.

Wenna & Alex - All the luck in the world with your coming treatments, I hope there is lots of baby dust sprinkled your way.

Take care everyone
Much love to you all
Nicky xx

rosemummy · 04 Dec 2009

Dear All
I have had a bad day today. My period is really really heavy which doesn't help....but a colleague at work had her baby today - a little girl. Of course, I want her to be happy and have a healthy baby but I didn't anticipate that the news (which obviously I knew was coming) would upset me quite as much as it has. I have been crying most of the day which is very hard because of my DD who doesn't really understand why I still cry. She wrote us a card today which said that she knows we are sad because of the babies...and she has drawn a picture of them in their coffin together and writeen I love you lots from your big sister...that set me off first thing and I haven't stopped....

Hutchy - how are you today? Did you get the design back yet?

Nicky, so sorry for you too and thank you for your post.

Hope everyone is as OK as they can be...

Love and hugs
Rosemummy

rosemummy · 04 Dec 2009

Dear Rose and Jim
Today is a New Year. Mummy and Daddy cried last night at midnight we were so so sad remembering you both. Mummy is hoping that this year will be better than last. I hope you are looking down on us. It is snowing, perhaps snowflakes falling on my nose is a kiss from each of you.
Lots of love always
Mummy xxx

Robbo2 · 14 Mar 2007

Hi Ladies

Just wanted to send my thoughts to you all. We too thought of our lost baby but are obviously just thankfully that we have our little boy to take away all of our pain that we have suffered. I hope the new year will bring good things for you all too and this time next year you are celebrating happiness instead of this awful sadness you are experiencing at the moment.

Nikki - I am pleased that Wenna and I have been able to help you. It is sad that so many of us have been through so much but it's also comforting to know that there others with which we can share our grief.

Good luck to you all and hope all you wish for in the new year comes true.

Love Robbo xx

janetteph · 29 Sep 2006

Dear All

I too just want to say that i hope with all my heart that 2010 brings you all the happiness you so deserve and that your all dreams and wishes come true, much love janette x...

rosemummy · 04 Dec 2009

Dear All
Thank you all so much for your kind words. I'm not sure if anything is getting better...it is too hard to say. You think you are getting better, then something else happens to set you off again. I just can't see a way forward....and to being me again....is it even possible? I cannot think of a time where I will walk into a supermarket or a leisure centre or down the road with a smile or a nod for people in the street which was always the way I was before this happened. I haven't lost my manners, just don't feel like smiling and saying Happy New Year or the usual trivial smalltalk to make people feel better about themselves. How selfish. I watch people and they are thinking (I am sure) what a miserable cow, does she ever crack a smile? and I almost want them to ask me so I can shout and scream and bellow that things aren't OK, they never will be OK and do they want to swap places with me to see if they would be the life and soul of the f'ing party????

As you may tell from my tone of message I am not in the best frame of mind today. I slept very poorly last night and I think it definitely makes a difference to how I face the day.

Well, perhaps that little rant will make me feel a bit better.....

Hope everyone else doesn't feel quite so angry as me today...

Hugs to all of you girls

Rosemummy

Robbo2 · 14 Mar 2007

Hi Rosemummy

Your feelings are totally normal - and you know - what for now that's exactly how you need to feel - selfish and look after yourself a little while. I'm a bit of "no one would guess what was going on in my head" kind of person. Always happy/smiley but to a certain extent the happennings we had knocked that out of me for a good while but it will come back - try not to be too hard on yourself - it is still early days.

I'll e-mail you off line soon.

Hope everyone else is OK today.

Take care

Robbo xx

janetteph · 29 Sep 2006

dear Rosemummy i know you are greiving most terrible which is understandable but from your posts i do get the feeling you are also suffering from depression which is also understandable, have you not spoke to your gp for advice you made need help with the depression im sure the others on here may know more about this than me x much love janette...

Wenna · 12 Nov 2008

Hi Hutchy, Rosemummy, Nicky, Alex, Robbo, Janette,

Sorry i haven't been on since Christmas eve i'm not sure where the time has gone as we don't seem to have done much if i'm honest. Christmas day i cried for most of the morning from waking up, but we went up to the girls and gave them their presents and we released a lantern for them and all our angels. It looked lovely and i was so proud to see it go up even through my tears it made me smile iykwim... My family were good we went up to mum and dads at lunchtime for the rest of the day & they all said how proud of me they were that i was as together as i was. I think they were worried i would be crying all day but i had my tears in the morning and then again when we all released another lantern at tea time even my dad cried then which really set me off but it was lovely to see the latern in the dusk bright like a star!! I can't quite believe it's new year already i cried at new year as 2009 was the worst and best year for me. Worst because i lost my gorgeous girls but best because of them too, and i found it hard to reconcile saying goodbye to 2009 as almost felt like saying goodbye to them a little more iykwim?? So i can only imagine you found it hard to but i pray that we have a gentler and happier 2010.

Hutchy i hope you're ok hunni i'm sorry that people made you feel like Archie didn't exist but he did and he'll always be your little boy who loved you and who you loved. Some people just don't understand and i know how hard it is to not shout and scream at them, the loss of a baby seems to be such a taboo no-one dares to even mention it - annoying and hurtful i know. I've been thinking of you and hope you're doing as well as can be and that 2010 will be a better year for us all.

Rosemummy i'm so sorry you're struggling but its still early days and like Robbo has said just let yourself feel how you want to feel, don't worry about other people at the minute just look after yourself. Eventually you'll start to find a way back to being yourself but try not to beat yourself up if you're not it will come ((hugs)) I hope you're doing as well as can be though and you've been in my thoughts.

Nicky hi i'm so glad i've been able to support you, and you have been a great support to me too and Robbo you've helped me so much over the last year and i can't thank any of you enough!!! I hope that you're well and xmas was gentle on you. Proud of you for saying how you felt too it's good that people know and you were able to say. I'm wishing that this new year brings all of us some much deserved happiness and that we can acheive our dreams, keep in touch

Robbo - Hope you're well and thank you too for all your support over the past year its been invaluable to me. Did you have a nice xmas?

Alex - Sending you lots of sticky baby dust for 2010, and hope that xmas was gentle on you to hun.

Janette - Thank you for all your support to its been a big comfort to me and to everyone else on here i'm sure too. Hope your christmas and new year were good.

Well I hope i haven't missed anyone, and i want to wish all of us a happy new year and that all of you acheive your dreams and goals in 2010 and have the much deserved happiness you're due!!! Lots of floaty kisses to all our angels who i'm sure will be keeping close watch over us and keeping us safe, take care

Love Wen xxxx

rosemummy · 04 Dec 2009

To all the good ladies
You are all inspirational individuals and have helped me tremendously. I hope you are all OK, sounds like Christmas has been hard for us all and we have all remembered our lost ones in our own special ways.

I don't think I am depressed, I have still managed to get on with activities of daily living..cooking, cleaning etc and although ti is very very hard to face people especially those I know I have been making myself do it to one extent or another. It is the thought of doing things that gives me the lump in my throat (literally, a real lump like indigestion) but once the initial contact has been made it is OK as far as it goes. My GP and I did discuss depression when I went between Xmas and NY and we decided to wait until end of Jan...if I am not back at work then he said we should consider other options e.g. medication / counselling etc. I am due to see the bereavement midwife next week too so that will help. Today I went to the local am dram group for a panto rehearsal - I'm not in it this year as I was meant to be really pregnant with my twins....but my duaghter is a fairy or something like that in it and my DH has "volunteered" to help out with lighting and sound so we decided to go and face the music (bad pun, sorry). It was very hard speaking to all the people there but they are friends and having one interest in common not related to babies did help for the couple of hours we were there.

My DH and DD go back to shcool tomorrow morning (hubby is a teacher)...I can already feel the anxiety rising as he has to work late at night planning lessons etc...it is the nights that are the hardest and I know that it wound me up before I was even pregnant the first time let alone now....I just feel that I wll be alone downstairs at night grieving and he will be upstairs putting a whole load of effort into children that aren't even related to us....that is selfish of me I know but it is the way I feel (and have done for a long time to be fair) but I need him and I know that it won't be possible.....he is in an impossible position too as he has to work but he knows it makes me cross.

I had a crap nights sleep last night too....took ages to drop off (same fro my DH as well, I think he drank too much coke) and when I did I had weird, disturbing dreams that woke me up every couple of hours. I just need a good night and I will feel a lot better I'm sure....

You have all been marvellous to me, thank you all and you all know that I am sending such big cuddles your way. I bet all those little children are up there causing all sorts of mischief between them all, scheming a plan (like unscrewing the U bend on the sink, which was one my DD did the other day...apparently it "was leaking"...yeah right) and having fun.....here's hoping.

Love to all
Rosemummy

Robbo2 · 14 Mar 2007

Hi ladies

I hope each new day of the new year helps your healing process.

Hutchy - I know how hard it is when the world seems to be getting on with their lives and all you can think about is your precious baby. People don't know what to say unless they have been in this situation. Maybe of you want to talk to your family or friends you should steer the conversation in that direction. I know it used to help me if I was feeling in the need for a chat and to get things off my chest.

Wenna - as you say it so helps to know that you're not in such sad circumstances alone. I am pleased I have been able to help. We didn't light a lantern but I saw a lot of them floating around on new years eve - whenever I see one I remember ours and eveyone elses baby(ies) that have touched my life for such precious little time. I will write on the other thread to see how you are currently doing with your treatment. I had a lovely Christmas as the last 2 passed me in a blur. Last year we had our house fire and were all at M & D over Christmas and the year before I had spent amonth in hospital having my LO and him being in SCBU so they both have passed me by but this year was lovely thankfully. We are at the childrens hospital with him tomorrow so fingers crossed that everything is well with him - I'm petrified.

Nicky - I hope you are bearing up after what it always a difficult time wihout the one thing we so much want in life - our children. I also think it is harder when you have step children as you have to be there for them when really they just highlight what it is you could have IYKWIM.

Rosemummy - I don't think you are any more depressed than anyone having gone through what you have. Part of the healing process is a stage of depression I would say in a way. I remember the doctor saying to me she would give me pills to help. Whilst I'm not against medication I jsut think when you know what it is that's causing your sadness it's something you have to work through as it is still there when you finish the pills. I have a friend who lost her little boy at 6 months and went on to have 2 more children - she has been on and off prozac since losing her first baby and it's never any easier for her when she comes off them. I just think they are a pick me up if you are desparate but there are other options such as counselling to try before going down that route. I also had some acupuncture which helped me tremendously.

Well ladies I had best be off - early start with little one at hospital.

Take care

Robbo x

Hutchy · 30 Aug 2007

Hi Ladies I hope you are all feeling well after Christmas and are having some good days...

Wenna - I completely understand how you are feeling about saying goodbye to 2009 as I felt exactly the same, we released a balloon at midnight and I felt really sad afterwards as like you it was as if we where saying goodbye to a year that will never be forgotten or ever want to, it was a bit surreal....

Robbo - I find it hard to talk to my family as we are not a huggy family IYKWIM and I am more of showing a brave face for my mum so as not to upset her or worry her, my twin sister is the only one who I can speak to... I hope you had a good Christmas xx

Rosemummy - I totall understand how you feel about your DH going back to work, my DH was due to go back last night (he works nights) and I really didn't want him to although I didn't tell him this as didn't want to make him feel guilty, but he said himself that he wasn't ready so he is off now for a further 3 weeks and me for 4 as we start our counselling in 2 weeks.. I hope you are managing to get some sleep...

Nicky - Please don't ever feel like you are intruding, everyone is welcome to post on here I just wish it wasn't because we have all had a similar experience in losing our baby's... Good for you for having the strength to say how you where really feeling, I think people ask us sometimes out of politeness and don't really expect us to tell them exactly how we feel....

I have been into work today to hand in my sick note and to say hello to everyone, they are all so nice and are really missing me, I am aiming to go back on 1st Feb as i am hoping I will be ready and will be going back on a phased return.... However, one of my friends at work told me that she is 14 weeks pregnant.. I am honestly and genuinely pleased for her but it is going to be hard going back to work as another colleague is also heavily pregnant, plus my SIL, I feel like my face is being rubbed in it at the moment and all are within a few weeks of when Archie was due... I am feeling a little emotional at the moment so probably isn't helping me I think AF is on her way which I am really not looking forward to as it is yet again another reminder of what I have lost.....

Take care ladies and special (hugs) to you all...

Hutchy xx

nicknacknoo · 04 May 2009

Hi ladies,

Hope you are all keeping as well as can be expected.

Rosemummy & Hutchy - You're feelings are completely understandable & to be expected after all the things you have been through & have had to cope with over these past weeks. You may not think it or feel it, but you are actually doing well given the sadness & trauma you have been through. Try not to be hard on yourselves, take each day as it comes.

Rosemummy - I would like to echo what Robbo said with regards to depression. Like you said, you are able to get on with daily chores etc. I was the same. Your feelings & thoughts are all associated with grieving & completly understandable. I am also not against medication & even contemplated taking myself for the 1st time last June. These feelings were more apparent approx 6 months after my loss when I also starting feeling very anxious. I decided to give myself more time. Unfortunately these are all normal feelings for what us ladies have had to live through. They are also very common with women undertaking treatment, that haven't experienced such loss.
Give yourself time to heal honey, it will get easier, know that is hard to belive at the moment x

Well I didn't descibe last year as a bad year, I said it was a very very sad year. The pain has eased & I am able to start looking forward again.
Hutchy & Rosemummy - you will too ladies x

Hutchy - It must be hard finding it difficult to talk with your family, I am glad you have your sister to talk with. I am glad your DH recognised he too wasn't ready to return to work. He has been through so much too.
You have done so well to take your sick note into work. I couldn't even face that. I know it is also hard because of others so close being pregnant. When I returned, colleague also announced she was 14 weeks pregnant, she has just had a little girl. I try really hard to not dwell on it too much, easier said than done I know. Unfortunately, we are at the age where ladies have babies, so it is going to be one big thing in common we have. The unfortunate thing is we are having to suffer so much to even start to get our dreams realised.
My bro & SIL also told me recently, they plan to try this year. Its bound to happen, thay want what we want. I am dreading it though, hearing they are expecting. I know it will feel like a slap in the face.

Robbo - Thanks for your message too. It must have been so nice spending Christmas at home, especially after being away from home the past few. Hope all went well at the childrens hospital today x

Wenna - The lantern sounded lovely. You have everything to be proud of.
I am going to release one on the next full moon. Friend suggested on New yrs eve as it was a full moon, after dh risk assessed!! that buildings were too close, we have decided to release next full moon. It will be better to, as released nearer to my home, where I walk my dog & where I look at the changing sky. have often sat on this field over past 8 yrs & thought about many things. Hope all is going well for you at the moment x

Janette - Thankyou too for your words of support x

Take care everyone
Love
Nicky xx

rosemummy · 04 Dec 2009

So many posts and kind words. The bereavement midwife came yesterday, she has been really helpful to me and a source of great support. I suddenly realised yesterday that one of the major things i am struggling with is putting my signature on a piece of paper to terminate a so wanted pregnancy. That decision was awful, so awful and so cruel. You poor ladies have been through such terrible tragedy and one could argue that I am in this position because of me and my decision. I think knowing that I did this is making me feel very very angry and very very sad. It is a hard subject to talk about especially when all of you have had terrible, unwanted and unexpected labours whereas mine was down to me. I feel resentful for that. I know in my heart of hearts that the decision was right and unselfish but it doesn't make it any easier. The terrible guilt and "what if?", you always pray for a miracle - maybe that miracle may have happened, but I will never know and I have to live with that forever.....I was a mess when she came yesterday, she stayed with me for a couple of hours and I did a lot of crying. She also said and it felt like a blade into my heart when she said it...that my baby would have died anyway. Hearing something like that in the cold light of day, out loud, was shocking. I do feel that she is right, Rose had the odds stacked too high against her surviving, certainly surviving without pain and distress but nevertheless hearing that made me feel sick.

Nicky, Wenna, Hutchy, Robbo, Janette I hope you are all OK today. Hutchy, glad to hear you went into work. I was going to go in today but it is snowing really heavily and there is about 5cm on the ground...so dpn't think I'll bother.....I have called work and spoken to a colleague so at least I have made some contact!

Love to all
Rosemummy

Robbo2 · 14 Mar 2007

Hi all

Just a quickie for Rosemummy as I've just sat down from work. Will post more later/tomorrow. I jsut wanted to say - please try not to feel guilty - hard I know. After getting my amnio results I literally did not sleep for 3 days - I was scouring the internet, talking to doctors, nurses, anyone who had children with Down's and other problems that could help me make my decision. Our decision was based on what they could tell us from the tests we had had and based on what the doctors had told us as I'm sure yours was too. I too had been told that it was very unlikely that our baby would have survived to the end of the pregnancy - as you say horrible to hear - and always the doubt had they got it wrong. But in a strange way hearing the cold truth kind of made my decision easier. Please please try not to let it eat away at you - you did what was right for you and your family and the baby that was so very very ill. SOme people would choose the decision that we did others would have continued and seen what hand they had been dealt - but that would have been the decision that was right for them - everyone is different.

I'm sure no-one will think your loss is any less painful just because it was your decision. At the end of the day however it has happened we have all lost the life that was growing inside us and no-one should have to suffer that pain.

Please be gentle on yourself and give DH and DD extra hugs tonight.

Will post to others soon.

Take care all

Robbo x

rosemummy · 04 Dec 2009

Is everyone OK? I am feeling that everything has gone quiet.....
Things are a bit better for me today. I have read an MSc for a colleague today so at least my time of fwork is being occupied with something constructive and professional...however, I have had many minutes of crying, grief and doubt......and lack of concentration.....not good in my profession!

In some ways I don't want to move on, every minute I that I don't think of what I have been through I feel guilty about it....I feel relatively safe where I am..even though it is sad....

Please let me know how you are all doing...I feel lonely without you all....

Love
Rosemummy

nicknacknoo · 04 May 2009

Hi to everyone, hope everyone is keeping as well as expected.

Rosemummy - sending you a big caring hug & sorry you are feeling a bit lonely. Yes it has gone quiet. This is what happens on these websites I guess, nothing stanger than folk. (not meant in any funny way at all). I find it kind of funny, strange & unique that we don't even know what each other look like. yet its like we can feel so close to each other, I am not big at posting & sometimes I find it difficult to come on here, as I have times, when reading different threads, it breaks my heart. Especially what we have all been through.

Well done for completing some work in relation to your job, small steps at a time honey. Maybe being able to do this today, just made you feel that little bit better, as you concentrated on something different. I also do a professional job, my background is working with children & young people who are in care ie foster home, children's home, so I kinda undertstand what you were saying in "not good in my profession". You are exposed to different lots of different kinds of things. But you are human, its ok for you to feel vulnerable, because that's how you will be feeling.

Rosemummy, it really is ok to have minutes of crying, grief, doubt.....lack of concentration, whatever your profession is. You have been through the most upsetting experience anyone could imagine. When I have been able to talk through my own experience with dh, my closest friends, particalary female ones, we have had a b....y good cry together, because of the sadness of it all.
You are feeling very raw at the moment, just like Hutchy is very likely to be too x
Be gentle with yourself xx

Anyhow, take care everyone,
Will post to others soon

Love
Nicky
Take care x

Nicky xx

Robbo2 · 14 Mar 2007

Hi al

Rosemummy - I have e-mailed - rather lengthy - sorry Smile

! But hope you are feeling OK. As Nicky says it is a bit strange how we come and go but we are still here for each other.

Don't worry about the lack of concentration - it will come back with time and then you will know that you are also ready to return to work - obviously it's not yet the time.

Nicky - yes had a lovely Christmas thanks - hope yours was as good as could be. Ours was very quiet and a lovely long holiday. Unfortunaltey not sure if that is a good thing having only just got back from 2 weeks in Florida! I've only done 3 days work in 6 weeks - I really did not want to go back to work Sad

!

Hi Hutchy - hope you're feeling a little better. I know exactly what you mean about not wanting to upset your mum and dad. I too keep a lot of the sad/horrible things out for fear of upsetting and we aren't a particularly huggy family either but I know my mum and dad are there for me no matter what and I can always rely and turn to them when I need to - as I'm sure you can too.

Hi Wenna - hope you're doing OK. Will bring our other thread forward to catch up with you and see how you are doing.

Rosemummy if you're feeling a little lonely maybe we should start a different thread in a different forum as the Sanctuary is normally quiet - which is obviously a good thing! Let me know and I'll start one off if you want to move otherwise will just keep posting here.

Take care all

Robbo x

Wenna · 12 Nov 2008

Hi everyone,

Rosemummy i'm sorry haven't been on for a few days. How are you feeling today? Well done on the work front and don't feel guilty for lack of concentration its still very early on for you and in time it will get easier for you to concentrate on work but right now you're not ready. Btw the poems that you put on for Cheryl to consider were beautiful and had me welling up reading them, i especially liked the one you used very apt and so very true big ((hugs)) to you.

Hutchy how're you feeling? Ikwym about not wanting to upset your parents, and for a long time i didn't tell them what was in my head for fear of that. But I knew they wanted to know too if u know what i mean, cause that way they could try and help or at least understand i still struggle to talk to them about some things for this reason even now but i know they're there for me for anything anytime just like your parents will be. I actually find it so much easier to talk to all of you and others who have been through this, and it helps me pick myself up when i'm down and its a place to let out my sadness too. How are you getting on with your counselling do you think its helpful? My counsellor was another place i found good to say whatever was in my head and not censor anything it was very helpful but i didn't notice how much until i'd been going for awhile. Hoping you're doing as well as can be and your days are gentle.

Nicky how're you doing? Hope things are getting a little gentler for you.

Robbo How're you? I know what you mean about being back at work urgh not good i'm only just getting back into the work mode. You mentioned about starting another thread for Rosemummy and Hutchy to talk on maybe they could join onto our one we have running?

I've been thinking about you all and hoping everyone is as well as can be. I'm back at work and now getting very fed up with the snow and ice but doesn't look like it's going away very quickly. Well i'd better get some work done but ((hugs)) for anyone who needs one sorry rambled a bit well done if you got this far Wink

Take care,

Love Wen xxx

Hutchy · 30 Aug 2007

Hi Girls

Sorry not posted for a bit... I have been having more good days but there are still times where I get upset which is obvious.... I think I have made things worse for myself over the past couple of days though... It was 6 weeks yesterday since Archie was born and my AF has still not arrived so I did a test yesterday and it was a very faint positive, however, I did a digital one this morning and it was negative.. My head is a bit mashed to say the least and don't know if there was any lingering HCG in my system to show on the test or not.. I think we both got ourselves a bit worked up yesterday thinking we might have a natural miracle.. We are handling it quite well as we know these things never happen to us.... I hope I am not upsetting anyone by letting you know that I did a test, as much as Archie will never be forgotten I long to be pregnant so much, I don't know if this is part of the grieving process or not and I know each one of you will feel different about wanting to be pregnant again so soon... If AF hasn't arrived by next week then I will test again...

I hope you don't mind me asking but how long did it take you all to get your AF after birth....

Hutchy xx