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 Posted: Tue Nov 16, 2010 10:46 am |
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I have had a missed miscarriage about 2 weeks ago at 7 weeks. We went for our 8 week scan to discover the baby had no heartbeat and only measured 7 weeks - we are heartbroken. I remember being sat in the waiting area thinking we wont be coming here again after today - I was sure everything was ok as I felt so pregnant (bloated, nausea, strange taste buds and smells). It came as such a shock and even now 2 weeks later cant believe it is all over.
This was our 3rd attempt (first 2 BFN), so it feels so cruel to let me get pregnant and then take it away 
My husband is dealing with it better than I am. I just cant stop thinking about it and dont know how I will ever move on.
I would really like to hear from people who have been in a similar position and how they coped and got through it.
My Inky Dinky is my dear angel - may you rest in peace darling. I miss you so much x |
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Posted: Tue Nov 16, 2010 6:35 pm |
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Hello , I am so sorry to hear what you are going through. Sadly this does happen and it happened to me and a few other people on here that I know.
For me, there was no heartbeat at my 7.5day scan. so was scanned one week later at 8.5weeks when there was a heartbeat. For me I was still so scared so 4 days before my 12 weeks scan we went for a private scan where no heartbeat was found and it seems our baby's heartbeat stopped around a week after our 8.5week scan.
No words can help how you are feeling at the moment. For me I spent a good couple of weeks breaking down and crying all the time. luckily my GP signed me off work. Added to which after they found this, I had to phone round for a couple of days to organise a D&C whilst explaining to each new person I spoke to in trying to get the D&C sorted the whole story.
After the D&C, I bled for around 2-3weeks and only after that time was a pregnancy test negative. horribly enough my breasts started leaking after the D&C, possibly as my body was coming to terms with the end of the pregnancy.
During this time, I am afraid I could not take comfort from my dh and could barely speak to him as I felt like such a failure. but I know he was also coping with his grief as well. We just deal with things differently.
So how did I cope, for me it was focusing on the next stage. We had level 1 tests done and are in the process of going through an FET cycle. Bittersweet for me was finding at the level 1 tests that I have blood clotting problems and a gene mutation both of which could have hindered the blood flow to the embryo. its good that we have found something and can hopefully do something about this, but I so regret that I did not know this earlier.
Have you tried/looked into level 1 tests?
The other thing for me, was going on holiday to get away from it all. Even just for a weekend, do something decadent.
The only thing which seems to help is time - its a cliche I know but I won't ever forget my little one, but now the pain is less raw. My due date would have been 2nd Feb so I know when that time comes round I will give myself the space to grief on that day.
Later after the initial hurt I have ocassionaly been on this forum and read about other bfps and other scans as for me I like to see the positivity that this does work and what we went through is a minority case.
On a good note, you did get pregnant so your body does want to get pregnant so am sure it will happen eventually.
I hope this helps somehow. please take care of yourself and husband.
Mel xxx |
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me & dp ttc no2 for 5 yrs. dd 6 yo, unexplained- Feb 2010 Icsi 1 - BFP MMC, Nov 2010 FET - BFN, Level 1&2 - immune issues, Feb 2011 Ivf 2 immune zero fert, Aug 2011 Icsi 3 immune 2 blasts bfn, march 2012 icsi 4 immune bfn, moving on to adoption |
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Posted: Wed Nov 17, 2010 11:12 am |
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Thanks for your message melissakitkat,
In a way I am glad I never saw a heart beat and it happened fairly earlier. In your case it must have been really hard to see the heart beat and then weeks later it was gone.
I had the medical intervention, which was very painful and I got to see the sac and the feotus. My husband told me not to look, but I had to to be sure it was gone - but that imagine is still always with me.
I think I have already had level 1 tests as I have also been told I have a gene mutation for which I have been prescribed high dose folic acid, B6 and B12. They never said anything about clotting though so not sure if I have had those tests? I had been taking baby asprin before egg collection but was advised by Care to stop after the transfer - but now I keep wishing I kept taking it as maybe it was a clot that caused this to happen???
I keep thinking about all the things I did in the weeks leading up to the miscarriage and blame myself - it must be something I must have done wrong?
When are you starting your FET? What meds will you be on to help prevent miscarriage happening again?
We have a review booked in early Dec so will see what they have to say. I know the only positive to come out of this is the fact that I did actually get pregnant. But I am so worried that it will never happen again and that it is down to my poor quality eggs (embies where grade 3 and one was grade 2/3, previous ICSI's they were grade 3's both time).
I think if I hadnt of got pregnant this time I would have been able to accept that it was down to my eggs and that I had to move on. But now that I have been pregnant it has given me hope that it could one day happen again, so now I cant just stop here? I just hope and pray that I will now fall pregnant naturally, as it is said that you are more fertile after a miscarriage. My husband has had low sperm count in the past which is why we had ICSI, but this time by surprise his sperm count was normal so we had IVF - so I just hope and pray his count continues to stay normal to give me more of a chance of falling pregnant naturally.
Talking about it definately helps, otherwise I think I would just bottle it all up and self destruct !
Let me know how your FET goes and thanks once again for your message - it has really helped.
Inkydinky x |
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Posted: Sat Nov 20, 2010 1:21 am |
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Hi Inky Dinky & Mel,
i too have had a similar experience as yourselves my husband and i had ICSI and were sp lucky got a positive on our 1st attempt. we had a viability scan from care at 8 weeks which showed the baby with a heartbeat measuring 7weeks 3 days! we went today for our 12weekscan and i showed the baby had no heartbeat and had infact died at 7weeks 4 days!
we have 1 embryo in storage. i am booked to go in for a ERPC on monday as i havent had any bleeding!
what do i do next??? how am i meant to be feeling, sorry for all the questions i am confused and scared liz xox |
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_________________
Had 1st EC on 9/9/10 and ET 12/9/10
Had 1 grade 2 8 cell embie put back.
BFP on 27/09/
1st scan 21st Oct one strong little heart beat!!!!
19/11/10 12 week scan showed NO HB fetus measured 7wk 4days R.I.P little one so loved but never forgotten |
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Posted: Sat Nov 20, 2010 5:52 am |
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Hi all,
I have just created a new topic - no baby 7 weeks and 6 days, but just seen this.
We went for our scan yesterday and I said to my DH we wont have to come back here after today. The scan showed the sac but no baby at all.
I feel so lost, I had the symptoms no bleeding and had come to think we were almost through the first 12 weeks. I feel numb and sad and have to go the early pregnancy unit on Tuesday, I have to have some tablets or a procedure. I have no idea what happened or when it happened as there is nothing to date.
I dont know what to think, we was so thrilled when we got the BFP all these weeks I have been thinking I was pregnant and I dont even know what happened.
X X |
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Posted: Sat Nov 20, 2010 7:01 pm |
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Hi Smile 26 / Claire 2010,
I am so sorry you have just been through the same torture and heartbreak as me.
Before you have any procedures make sure you have another scan to double check and be 100% certain. I so hoped I had Been misdiagnosed but unfortanately there was no change at my second scan.
I had the medical intervention (tablets) . It was very painful but I didn't want a d&c as sometimes this can damage the womb and may cause problems for future treatments.
I think the hardest part for me was the shock - I too felt so pregnant and never even thought for one minute there was going to be a problem. And then to have to wait and go through the procedure - it felt like I was forcing my baby out and after I felt so empty and lonely.Â
I had my bad news 3 wks ago yesterday and have cried almost everyday since. It's only over the last couple of days I have had no tears and felt more together . We went shopping in town today for a holiday but then it struck me that by now I would have been 11 wks and I should be getting excited about baby shopping and not looking for a holiday! I fought back
the tears, but the pain is still there, although I promise u it does get easier with time.
Take care and let me know how you both get on. Been strong, you are not alone.
Inkydinky x |
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Last edited by Inkydinky on Mon Nov 22, 2010 12:34 pm; edited 1 time in total |
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Posted: Sat Nov 20, 2010 7:13 pm |
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Inkydinky,
Thanks for your reply.
I have been reading and reading on the net and am praying for misdiagnosed, I know there is a teeny chance but its my little bit of hope. I am going to carry on with the pessaries too, what do you think?
How long apart were your two scans, mine was yesterday and the next one is Tuesday at the EPC.
I am sorry to hear you sad news, its heart wrenching. I feel like you could have wrote my post as I feel like you wrote. I hope you have booked a fab holiday.....
We have told only a few people and I am not sure how I am going to hold it together and put a face on in front of anyone else. I am sure like you say it gets easier.
I hope you have some support too and will be on here when you need to chat too. Thanks so much, this has been a great site through the 2ww and the scan wait but need it now more than ever. x x |
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Posted: Sat Nov 20, 2010 7:28 pm |
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Hi Claire
I so hope you have good news on Tuesday, but try and prepare yourself for the worst just in case. I kept taking the pessaries until the second scan. My first scan was in on a Friday and the second scan the following Wednesday. The wait was torture but it's best to have a few days inbetween to give the embie the chance to grow/change if it does still have a heartbeat. I have a forward tilting uterus and had hoped for better news on the second scan but deep down I knew there would be no change. I carried on having nausea symptoms up until after the procedure, which I found so cruel- to still feel pregnant even though everything has gone.
Have u had treatment before or been pregnant before?
Inkydinkyx |
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Posted: Sat Nov 20, 2010 8:04 pm |
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Inkydinky,
I hear what your saying and I am thinking the same, I am realistic but still a little hopeful. I just think as we havent seen it at all there is a small possibility that your read.
I found it strange I had no blood test and no follow up scan at care.
This is my first treatment and first pregnancy, I know from this site what a long journey it can be and I think the next time I will be more balanced.
What about you? Is this your first try? Will you try again, when...
I will keep on with the pessaries too.
I have a full day on my own tomorrow going insane too! X |
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Posted: Sat Nov 20, 2010 8:20 pm |
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Claire 2010
Thats good that you had a positive on your first try. What quality where your embies? Do u have any frozen?
This was my third try and the only time I have been pregnant . I thought it was third time lucky - but my luck didn't last long. My embie quality has been low every cycle so I think mine is down to poor egg quality. Will see what they say at my review in Dec. I think if it hadn't have worked this time we would have moved onto donor eggs, but as this last cycle worked it shows I can get pregnant so now am thinking is it worth trying again with my own eggs? I so want my own baby and would do anything to achieve this. The only thing that scares me tho is what if I miscarry again? Not sure I have the strengh to deal with this level of disappointment again.
Won't have treatment now until the new year. In the meantime we will keep trying naturally, as apparantly u are more fertile after a miscarriage, so u never know it could happen naturally? Now that would be a miracle!
Don't give up hope, lots of people who miscarry go on to have healthy babies, so try and stay positive about the future.
Inkydinky x |
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Posted: Sat Nov 20, 2010 8:34 pm |
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Inkydinky,
Thats good news then for us both that we can have a pregnancy, so one step sorted..
I think we will try again in Jan depending on what happens and how quick.
The embie was a blast, and we have some frozen still so hopeful one will work.
Have you done a full cycle every time? or did you have a frozen transfer?
I will be positive for Tuesday, trying over xmas like you said it does happen naturally once the body kicked in and then if not start end of Jan/Feb.
Did you get a nice hol booked? Have you got some support at home, I see you have only posted a few times thats good for 3 cycles. I went abit OTT in the 2ww.
Maybe we will both get natural christmas babies - the best present ever!!! x x |
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Posted: Sat Nov 20, 2010 8:59 pm |
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Claire 2010
we have never had good enough embies for freezing, so yes had full cycle every time.
At least you have the option of a frozen cycle, I have to start all over again 
But let's keep hoping and praying for a natural miracle and the best Christmas present ever!
We have not booked a holiday yet, not even sure I really want to go - nothing excites me at the moment.
My husband and family have been a great support, but no one really understands how I feel. I think my husband is staying strong for me and hiding his true feelings. I keep remembering the shock on his face when we had the news. He will make an amazing Dad and I just hope that I will one day be able to give him his much wanted child. How about u, do u have some good support?
I have been Reading posts on here for a while but never wanted to tempt fate by posting. It's only since I have had my bad news that I have found comfort on here as you get to speak to people experiencing the same as you, so you know they truely understand and relate to how u are feeling.b
Good luck on Tuesday, I will keep everything crossed for you. Please let me know how u get on.
Inkydinky x |
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Posted: Sun Nov 21, 2010 1:40 am |
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Hi ladies, i asked 4 2 scans on friday i had an external and an internal, the internal showed that the gestational sac was no longer egg shaped and looked more half moon, also i was able to see blood clots starting to form around the sac so i know it is over and i know that another scan isnt going to change it i have been told that the erpc is the best option for me as the baby died the day after my 8 week scan which showed it measuring 7weeks and 3 days, when i went for my 12week scan on friday it showed that the baby hadnt progressed past 7 weeks 4 days so they said the erpc was the best option as the baby had been there for over 4 weeks and needed to be taken out to minimise infection!
i am also finding comfort on here knowing that i am not the only person to have experienced this!
Monday is a day i am dreading with the erpc as i know then it will be definatly be over!
Thanks ladies it helps me stay strong
liz xox |
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_________________
Had 1st EC on 9/9/10 and ET 12/9/10
Had 1 grade 2 8 cell embie put back.
BFP on 27/09/
1st scan 21st Oct one strong little heart beat!!!!
19/11/10 12 week scan showed NO HB fetus measured 7wk 4days R.I.P little one so loved but never forgotten |
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Posted: Sun Nov 21, 2010 11:42 am |
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Liz,
I will be thinking of you tomorrow, hope everything goes well for you.
x |
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Posted: Sun Nov 21, 2010 8:18 pm |
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Claire 2010,
thankyou hun means a lot xox  |
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_________________
Had 1st EC on 9/9/10 and ET 12/9/10
Had 1 grade 2 8 cell embie put back.
BFP on 27/09/
1st scan 21st Oct one strong little heart beat!!!!
19/11/10 12 week scan showed NO HB fetus measured 7wk 4days R.I.P little one so loved but never forgotten |
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Posted: Mon Nov 22, 2010 12:11 pm |
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Liz,
Hope your ok, thinkiing of you.
Big hug x |
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Posted: Mon Nov 22, 2010 12:30 pm |
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Liz - I hope it all goes well for you today - thinking of you x
Claire2010 - how was your weekend? How are you feeling today? Not long to go now until your next scan, I truely hope its good news for you tomorrow. x |
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Posted: Mon Nov 22, 2010 12:45 pm |
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Inkydinky,
The weekend has been slow and tearful. I feel up and down, which I expect will happen.
I know the chances of good news tomorrow is only going to be amiracle and that I will be given the options on how I want to proceed. I am not sure how I will feel tomorrow.
I know I will need to become positive to start again but I do not want to do anything and feel so empty, sad and lost. I have great support but I am not sure they can truly understand my pain.
How are you feeling? has your AF returned yet?
Its great to talk to you knowing you have been in a simila situation, I dont want to returnt to my awaiting scans thread to cause any negativity either.
xx |
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Posted: Mon Nov 22, 2010 3:15 pm |
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Claire 2010,
I know exactly how you feel having recently been there - how you are feeling is normal, you just need to be kind to yourself and give it time.
Once I knew for sure that there was no hope left I just wanted the procedure done ASAP. From scan day (Weds) to procedure day (Sat) went so slowly. I thought I would feel better after the procedure, but I actually felt worse for about a week - all of a sudden it was all over, my baby was now truely gone and I felt so alone and empty. Its only now that I have really been able to accept what has happened and have started to think what next - so dont be too harse on yourself, you will need time to grieve.
No sign of my AF as of yet - not actually sure how long it takes to come back?
I still have all the extra weight gain and bigger boobs which is depressing me. I wouldnt mind feeling fat if I was still pregnant, but now that I'm not I wish my body would hurry up and go back to normal !
Im glad speaking to me is of help, please keep in touch and let me know how you are getting on.
Inkydinky x |
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Posted: Tue Nov 23, 2010 10:44 pm |
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Hi all, just updating you all, i had my ERPC yesturday all went well the GYNE was really pleased with the operation, i am really surprised with what little bleeding i have and the little amount of pain i am in it is not as bad as i though it would be.
Inkydinky i was told yesturday that AF can take between 4-6 weeks to return after the ERPC Hope this helps.
I too still have my bigger boobs and my small spare tyre! i also still am goin for a wee quite a bit i was told this too could take a few weeks but would settle down!
Claire2010, I felt the days following my scan(fri) and the day of my Op (Mon) were the longest days in history.
AFM DH & I have found focussing on our nxt treatment 2 b a big help i recieved a phonecall frm Nottingham care today to see how i was doing which was a total surprise as we had been discharged frm them following the 8 week scan, i spoke thing sthrough with the nurse and agreed that we would like to see the consultant to discuss why things ended the way they did and if we were to have a second treatment would things be done differently i.e. different meds etc so roll on 20th Dec i have a lot of unanswered questions!!.
I hope you guys are doing well thanks for having me in your thoughts means a lot xox |
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_________________
Had 1st EC on 9/9/10 and ET 12/9/10
Had 1 grade 2 8 cell embie put back.
BFP on 27/09/
1st scan 21st Oct one strong little heart beat!!!!
19/11/10 12 week scan showed NO HB fetus measured 7wk 4days R.I.P little one so loved but never forgotten |
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Posted: Wed Nov 24, 2010 10:39 am |
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Liz,
Really, really please things went so well for you.
Yes it has been a long wait between the scans.
I have just put an update onthe thread I have started - no baby 7 weeks 6 day scan, have a read if you can. Basically they found the baby yesterday but no heartbeat, having another scan next Tues and feel in total limbo.
x |
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Posted: Wed Nov 24, 2010 2:51 pm |
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Liz
Im pleased to hear your procedure went well yesterday and that you are feeling OK. I wanted the op to get it over with quicker but was advised to have the meds.
Do you know if AF is due 4-6 weeks from the procedure date or the date of the miscarriage? Its all so confusing. I am not having any AF symtoms as of yet (it will be 3 wks since my procedure on Saturday). Hope it comes soon so that we can start trying naturally again.
Is your baby being sent off for testing?
Inkydinky x |
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Posted: Wed Nov 24, 2010 3:00 pm |
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Hello,
for me I got my first af 7 weeks after the procedure. It took around 3 weeks for my pregnancy test to fall negative. Then about 1-2 weeks later I ovulated then another 2 weeks after that was my first period.
Your body needs the preg hormone to disappear first and then it will start following a natural cycle. so frustrating I know when you want to start trying again.
Mel xxx |
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_________________
me & dp ttc no2 for 5 yrs. dd 6 yo, unexplained- Feb 2010 Icsi 1 - BFP MMC, Nov 2010 FET - BFN, Level 1&2 - immune issues, Feb 2011 Ivf 2 immune zero fert, Aug 2011 Icsi 3 immune 2 blasts bfn, march 2012 icsi 4 immune bfn, moving on to adoption |
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| sp69 |
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| Joined: 13 Aug 2009 |
| Posts: 215 |
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Posted: Wed Nov 24, 2010 9:24 pm |
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Hi..
It took 7 weeks for my first AF to arrive after having the ERPC, I was a bit like Smile26-surprised at not having much bleeding post op but did have really bad pain for about 24 hrs.
This happened to us back in June, it was our 4th cycle [2nd with George/immune] but first ever BFP. I found out at my first scan [6wks] at CARE that there was no fetal pole & no HB and had to go back again 2 wks later for another scan. There was still no HB and our world fell apart. I'd had no bleeding and still felt pregnant and was told to wait 2 wks further for m/c to happen naturally. I guess my body wasnt ready to let go and in the end I referred myself to the local EPU, they did another scan and told us what we already knew and then went through what out options were. We opted for the procedure as I couldnt carry on waiting and wasnt ready to have all the bleeding...
Its the hardest thing we have ever been through, we are lucky as we could talk things through with each other. At our review, George didnt know why it went wrong but said we should have another go. We managed to go away for a week to Greece to get away from it all, luckily only immediate family knew what had happened, although they dont know we've had IVF. The summer was spent trying to cope with the loss, and to live life as 'normal' as possible even though nothing felt normal.
Time is a healer and although you never forget what has happend, life as they say does go on! We've decided to try again and are on our 5th cycle. I'm DR'ing at the minute and hope to start stimms next week! All I can say is dont give up on your dreams, give yourself time & space to grieve, speak to each other and look after each other.
Take care & big hugs to you all...
SP.....xxx |
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Posted: Thu Nov 25, 2010 1:12 pm |
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Sp - I hope this will be a lucky cycle for you. After 5 cycles it must be heartbreaking, you have my admiration and I hope if I have to endure that, that I too can be that strong. But I am pleased to hear your continuing on, and this being your first BFP will hopefully have given you some hope. Although, as much as people say that its not much comfort knowing that the baby was lost. I wish you all the luck x x
Inkydinky - how are you feeling today?
Liz - Are you recovering, are you feeling any different?
X X |
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