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 Posted: Wed Apr 13, 2011 5:36 pm |
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Sar - it might be a bit horrid at first being at home on your own and you probably will have a good cry, but I promise it gets easier- keep yourself busy- not sure our house had ever looked so clean!!!
My pessaries and drugs were through care - I egg shared so I get the medication up to 12 weeks ( fingers crissed) as part of the package. However, I know asda are doing all fertility drugs at cost price.
Don't forget, even though you haven't got access to a computer at home, I'm here if you need a chat x |
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Posted: Wed Apr 13, 2011 5:42 pm |
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Thanks chuck. I might have to start making some enquiries around and about to see who can do me the best deal LOL.
I think I will try again and I have decided that if that doesnt work I am going to buy a dog and spoil it rotten. You only have one go at this life and whats money at the end of it. I have never had any so i wont miss it. I did buy a lottery ticket for tonight I must have looked a right twit as I havent bought one for years and didnt know what to do. Must be the only person on the planet who doesnt have a clue. Well if i win I will let you know LOL.  |
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Posted: Wed Apr 13, 2011 5:45 pm |
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Sar, don't slap yourself!! It will hurt! Evryone's story is heartbreaking. I admit, my story is a bad one but for different reasons to you...at least I already have a child so am more lucky than some....
Perhaps your mum could come up for a bit to keep you company? Or a brother / sister? Clean the house if you think that will help (at least it will keep the house looking good)...but don't expect to cry - it may not happen - it may be a good day tomorrow. ANd if you do cry all day, so what? It is normal and slowly you will cry less and cope with the grief. The grief will be like a tidal wave - uncontrollable and massive and overwhleming but then, in the end it is like ripples on a pond - always there but manageable for the most part - and that is totally true. That was the only sensible thing my counsellor said to me! And it gives me great comfort actually.
Yes I was petrified trying again but I felt I had to do it to either acheive the aim or give closure to the whole thing. We had different circumstances to you and as I have already said that would have been the last go for us personally. I was more petrified about the decisions that had to be made further on down the line and smellycat will be in the exact same position as I was but we took one step at a time and we won the lottery on this occasion (but it could have been different). I think that until they actually were born and we knew that they were OK the anxiety was there that one or both my have down's (we didn't have the CVS)....when I was being prepped for the c-section I was so scared I was crying and shaking - it was not a pleasant experience for either of us. The feeling when they were born was of relief - not of joy (well, not initially at least). When DD was born the joy was overwhelming and this was a totally different feeling - still special but the immediate thought was "have they got down's?" instead of any of the other feelings that should have been there which was a shame. ALso the pregnancy was not enjoyed by either of us which was also a shame as I didn't feel excited not even for one second....I was laden with troubles and questions and decisions etc etc the whole time...but it was all worth it and smellycat will feel the same way once she has her baby / babies in her arms.....
You will also find a way to try again, these things happen sadly but many many women go on to have healthy and lovely pregnancies with no trouble whatsoever. I think it is worse for us ladies with fertility issues becuase of the investment already made to get that precious BFP.....
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Posted: Wed Apr 13, 2011 6:22 pm |
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You know what I hate cleaning but I have this huge urge to upend everything and take out my anger upset etc on the house. Yesterday wasnt a too bad day actually but today has been an upsetting one so your right it does come in waves I just have to get back on the surf board and ride those waves. I can totally understand your anxiety I felt like that last time and it was my first go. I kept saying to my friend i am meant to be enjoying this but all I am doing it waiting for the next scan and worrying I am doing everything right etc. I must admit i couldnt have followed any rule book better so i know in my heart that it wasnt my fault that it went wrong. IVF is such an emotional thing I think everyone who goes through it deserves a huge pat on the back because its the longest journey of your life.
Your twins are just lovely I could just give them a big hug. How old are they? Can i be rude and ask how old you are? If you dont want to answer then please dont.
Thanks for being there for me both of you xx |
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Posted: Thu Apr 14, 2011 10:39 am |
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They will be 19 weeks this friday! Can't believe it. I am 38 and was 37 when it all went wrong....
We are off into town to get passport photos for them as we are off to France for the summer hols...bit nervous but you can't stop doing things just becuase you have twins!
Best go...hope you are having a better day today....did you win the lottery?
xx |
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Posted: Sat Apr 23, 2011 6:24 pm |
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Hi Ladies
I am just online very quick as at my friends. I had the cremation last wednesday and the vicar rang me after to tell me all went ok and she said some prayers for us both. The scattering is next Thursday at 3 and my mate is coming with me. I am moving forward slowly will fill you in more when I get back to work on Wednesday as to what I have been up to. I hope you are ok and all is going well.
Rosemummy unfortunately I didnt win the lottery. I will have to try again.
Smellycat - lol that name still makes me smile. Hope your doing ok chuck.
Speak more next week if your around.
Thanks for all your help.
xx |
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Posted: Wed Apr 27, 2011 1:28 pm |
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Hi
Well back in work today it seems strange after having a month off. Mind you I arrived to a desk full of chocolate which was nice. Think the gossips have been on overdrive but I dont care gives them someone to talk about.
I thought about you the other day Rosemummy as I was driving along and I started to cry for no reason. I just thought its ok cry I was thinking of what you typed and that it was ok to cry now and again.
I hope that you are all ok.
Sar xx |
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Posted: Wed Apr 27, 2011 6:25 pm |
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| Ah, that's nice of you to think of me Sar. Hope nthings are getting a bit easier for you, esp now you are back at work. It is OK to cry, it really is. My experience has been very very hard and I often look back and wonder how I did it and coped with the decision making process....but I did and many others will have done too....I'm glad I could hav ebeen some help to you.....and I hope the choc makes things a tidgy bit better....I haven;t won the lottery either..... |
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Posted: Tue May 03, 2011 1:46 pm |
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Hi
Well its a month and a bit along and I have just realised all that time has passed. I had the scattering of the ashes on Thursday and it was so lovely I couldnt thank the vicar enough she was so kind and thoughtful. She said a couple of prayers and I gave her a big hug and sobbed on her shoulder. She must have thought I was a loon.
I have now finally managed to pack away in my baby box all my cards i had sent and they are in a safe place now with my memories and paperwork and scan pics etc.
Its time to move on and look forward. I have my review on 31st of this month and I am working on questions to ask and trying to find the best drugs deal I can as my fund is very depleted. A lovely friend very kindly said she thought she might have a couple of vials of menapur left from her cycle and she said she would donate them if they were still in date which i thought was a lovely thing to do. You know people are just so kind.
Well enough about me.
Smellycat how the devil are you and the bump? I hope your growing nicely.
Rosemummy - hows life with the twins I hope they are behaving LOL. Its been fantastic weather hasnt it have you been out and about?
Thank you for all your support just to read a reply helps me so much you wont believe it. Its being able to chat to people that understand that helps.
Take care xxx |
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Posted: Tue May 03, 2011 6:02 pm |
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Hi sar - sorry I haven't been on here for a while.
I'm glad the service was nice on Thursday and you have been able to say " goodbye" in a way that you found comforting. I'm glad the vicar was kind and understanding. The 31st isn't too far away now for you and that hopefully will give you a direction and focus and something to look forward to - just make sure you are ready emotionally as well as physically- I have my fingers and toes crossed for you! Very kind of your friend to offer the menopur - if I had any spare you could have had mine - I have got lots if needles spare and would be more than willing to post them on for you if you wanted them.
Afm - my dp and I managed the day we were dreading yesterday which was our due date for our angel- we had a few tears and cuddles, but then made the day a celebration of knowing and having our angel for those 15 weeks almost and went to York - where we went the day we found out I was pregnant! As for thus pregnancy I'm terrified - got my 1st scan on thurs at care and am totally terrified of what might be - should be 8 weeks by then- so afraid of that gutted feeling again and what ifs!!
Hope you're ok though and glad you've been back onto chat x |
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Posted: Wed May 04, 2011 11:29 am |
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Hi Smellycat
Oh honey I am sending you a huge hug for the other day. Its must have been so hard for you both. Just think of that wonderful new bundle you have cooking in the pot at the mo though. Life is cruel and amazing isnt it.
Thank you so much for the offer of the needles. I was looking last night how many I had left and I may well take you up on that offer a little later on if all goes to plan and I can try again.
I do hope that your scan goes ok tomorrow. I am sure it will. Let me know how it went. I am keeping up with a couple of ladies on the threads I was on before as I now feel I dont want to not know how they are. We have bonded LOL. And I would like to keep hopping along on your exciting journey too as I am so pleased to hear about good things and growing tums. 
Take it easy dont do too much.
Chat soon.
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Posted: Wed May 04, 2011 5:49 pm |
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| Thanks sar will let you know - very scared! Hope you're ok and just keep in touch and let me know about syringes and needles when you're ready x |
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| Ellie5 |
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| Joined: 12 Sep 2008 |
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Posted: Thu May 05, 2011 12:52 pm |
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| Sorry to jump in but noticed smelly is pregnant. Congrats and good luck for your scan today Hun. You have been so brave xxxx |
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Posted: Thu May 05, 2011 6:02 pm |
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Evening ladies....well terrified has been an understatement and I cried at CARE ....BUT ladies I can't believe it but it's TWINS!!! Both embryos took and they are measuring perfectly- sam arm and leg buds, two heartbeats and two little spines! Feel so so lucky! Thank you so much for all your kind wishes and support x x
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Posted: Fri May 06, 2011 4:30 pm |
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| Oh my God congratulations I am soooooooooooooo pleased for you. How exciting. You take it easy now those two need all the energy you have. Eat lots of chocolate to celebrate and well done. xxxxxx |
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Posted: Fri May 06, 2011 5:57 pm |
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| Thank you Sar. How are you? |
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| *claire* |
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| Joined: 13 Mar 2001 |
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Posted: Sat May 07, 2011 1:07 am |
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CONGRATULATIONS smellycat! 
c xx |
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Posted: Mon May 09, 2011 12:48 pm |
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Hi
How have your weekends been? I went to my mates hen party and got a slagging off from one of her other friends because I am not going to the wedding which is abroad. I kept my mouth shut because I didnt want to ruin the evening but I am really upset about it. I had explained to my friend why I didnt want to go and she said she totally understood. I had originally said I wasnt going because I was pregnant and didnt want to risk anything happening abroad but obviously since my miscarriage I have been very upset and I explained that I didnt want to be abroad and ruin her wedding if I got upset and its a long way to go and feel lonely isnt it. Well this woman was saying she is your best friend and you should be there and that my mate really wanted me there and she kept on about it and then she started on about that she had done this that and the other and paid out all this money to host a hen party and she has organised balloons for the UK do and what had I done!!!!!!!! Its terrible you know for 30 years i have been there for my mate and been through her split ups with boyfriends, divorce, IVF baby, deaths, family rows, first wedding etc and for just once I had something wonderful happening which turned out terrible and now some horrible person is slagging me off for it. She has no idea how I feel and what I have been through as she has a lovely family and a hubby with a good job and money isnt an issue etc. It makes me soooooooooooo cross. I am sorry to sprout on but I need to talk it out my system or I will probably go and mouth off at that stupid insensitive woman and then get blamed for that too.
Anyway how you feeling and how are the bumps LOL?
Got a friend and her family coming at the weekend and they have asked if I want to go to Cadbury World with them so I think I may go I wasnt going to go as I dont seem to want to do anything but it might cheer me up. I can always leave and come home if I am feeling upset.
What you both been up to anything exciting?
Sar x |
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Posted: Mon May 09, 2011 2:08 pm |
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Sar
People are cruel sometimes. I know it is hard but she doesn't know what has happened, so you have two choices - either tell her what has happened and risk getting upset and making her feel bad or don't say anything and let it go....It depends whether you think it is any of her business or not. I would say something, but that's me. As long as your friend understands that is the only thing that you shoudl be worried about. ANd I would go to cadbury world - you can't sit in all day and chocolate is a good antidote to lots of things..itwill take your mind off it and get you back to some semblance of normality on some level which is probably what you need - a bit of company, a bit of distraction and therefore a bit of light relief from your daily stresses. You may surprise yourself and enjoy that day out! Have you thought that you may be dpressed? Small steps all help and you have to take those steps even when you don't want to...i found it hard but you get there in the end....xxxx
Let me know how you get on
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Posted: Wed May 11, 2011 11:25 am |
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Hi
Hows things? Rosemummy that c*w knew exactly why I wasnt going I asked my mate and she said she knew which made it even worse that she still had a go at me even when she knew the circumstances.
I will get my own back one day. I do hope that the saying what goes around comes around is true because her meanness was just too much.
How are your two bundles of fun?
Smellycat - how are you and bump?
Got to go got urgent work to do LOL.
Chat soon
sar xx |
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Posted: Tue May 17, 2011 1:25 pm |
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Hi
Well my AF finally arrived. It is approx 24 days since I stopped bleeding from the miscarriage so I suppose that would be about right for me. I am quite pleased it has arrived but been on a complete downer since. Today I have cried again at work and I really thought I was over that now. Just want to sit here and sob but will have to wait till I get home. Its amazing how heavy your heart can feel. Mine has felt like lead now for a long time. I am hoping that that will go away.
I had friends staying at the weekend which was nice and we went to cadbury world which I enjoyed very much the kids were great to have around but when they had gone i just felt really alone. Life is crap sometimes.
Anyway I hope your all ok.
Take care
Sar xx |
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Posted: Tue May 17, 2011 4:35 pm |
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Hiya
Well, AF means another hurdle over. I remember the first AF after I lost Rose, it was torrential bleeding for days and days. Truly horrible and a slap in the face if i remember rightly. Your heart will feel like lead for a bit but gradually it will feel lighter and you will start to feel yourself again...it has already started - you enjoyed yourself with your friends and that is a start. AT least you are able to do that now whereas I bet if you look back I expect you never thought that even that would be possible, I know I did.
We're OK. Alex has been really bad aty night though, touch wood, last night he was a tinsy bit better. It can really grind you down, I don't have any energy at all and I can't be arsed with anything excpet the total basics and even that is difficult at the moment - cooking a decent tea is a struggle at the moment becuase of the tiredness. but I keep on going as best I can. We just have crap everywhere in the house that needs tidying away but a lot of it is twin related so it is hard!
Well better go, big DD wants me ot help her with her hama beads - we aremaking fairies together to put on her bedroom ceiling. ANd the tea needs to be made!
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Posted: Wed May 18, 2011 9:01 am |
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Hi Rosemummy
I dont know how you do it with 3 of them. Its no wonder you have no energy. I haven't any and I am on my own. It takes me all my time to tidy my house I hate it. Mind you I do have a full and a part time job so I suppose that is very tiring in itself. I know what you mean about AF being heavy I am normally lightish and this is so heavy and I have felt rough. I hope that it will tail off soon and that they will go back to how they used to be. I was getting worried yesterday because it was so heavy so reading that yours was too put my mind at rest. I am feeling a little brighter today. Yesterday was not good at all and it just came out of the blue and surprised me I honestly had thought I had cried all my tears but obviously not.
How old are the twins? Are you on maternity leave?
Onwards and upwards as they say. After my 5.30 start again this morning (I dont know why i keep waking up then) I could do with a nap now but hey will soldier on through the day and have an early night again tonight. Life could do with being a little more exciting LOL.
Have a good day xx |
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Posted: Wed May 18, 2011 11:45 am |
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Twins are 5 months now. Can't believe it. I am mat leave, hopefully I can take the full year off but we will have to see how the finances work out. Waking early can be a sign of depression, so just watch out for that. Glad to hear you are feeling a bit brighter today. I cry quite often even now, so I never think I will have cried all my tears, but the feelings have changed and I am much more able to talk about things now too without breaking down. Time really does heal the pain, it won't ever go away I don't think but it will fade in time....yes life could be more exciting but then I am blessed and I shouldn't forget that!
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Posted: Thu May 19, 2011 9:35 am |
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Hi
Well last night I just cried again I watched a film called switch with jennifer anniston and I really wish I hadnt because it was about a woman who had a baby by donor sperm and the sperm got switched by her best friend and the little boy in it was so adorable it just really upset me. I seem to have so many things going on at the mo too and I have got to the stage where I dont want to cope with them all again. Too many birthday's, weddings, staff leaving does because they are going off to have a baby (that one is next monday and I have to go!!! I really am not looking forward to it). My head feels like it is going to explode. I just want it all to go away AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.
Work is stressful too at the mo so that dont help. Hey ho. Hope Alex is a little better. 5 months ahhh thats so nice. I have no idea how you cope with having the 3 you need a medal.
Well the sun is out and I hope you have got something lovely planned for the weekend.
Thanks for listening.
Sar xx |
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