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 Posted: Wed Mar 16, 2011 6:21 pm |
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Julie
It is bound to be hard with the anni coming up. I was dreading it for weeks and couldn't decide if I should work, if I shouldn't, if we should mark the occasion or not etc etc. I ended up working that day but at the exact time she was born I went to the chapel and had 10 minutes to myself and a little cry and wrote a note that would be read out that evening at the service. That evening we lit a candle and had a "thinking tea" and that was all we did. Julie, it does get easier and the anni wasn't half as bad as the lead up to it. I still feel sad, in fact I replied to Shazza's post today and when I was walking to the surgery to get A&E's jabs I was crying as it all came back again and the pain was like a knife through my heart. If you are having a wobble about treatment then don't do it until you are sure that it is what you want and you are ready, you will only blame yourself if it didn't work out and a month or two won't make a whole load of difference whereas in your head it will. You have to be right emotionally to go through it all again and it doesn't sound like you are quite yet. Wait and see how you feel after Eleanor's birthday. As we all know, IVF is a numbers game and a game of roulette but you have to play it to reap the rewards.....just take each day as it comes and you will get there. I don't know what else to say - just that you have my email and my phone number so if you want to chat I am here.
Big cyber hugs xxxxx |
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Rosemummy
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| Robbo2 |
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| Joined: 14 Mar 2007 |
| Posts: 1162 |
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Posted: Wed Mar 16, 2011 10:02 pm |
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Hi Julie
As Rosemummy says anniversaries are hard but they do get easier. I had 3 failed cycles between my loss and getting lucky with the cycle that gave us our precious DS. TBH I think the failed cycles were a blessing in hindsight as by the time we got lucky although I was feeling desparate to get pregnant I also felt more healed from my loss if that makes sense. Really don't try until you feel OK - having said that I would not have paid a blind bit of notice if someone had said that to me at the time  ! You also have lots of other things going on all of which will be taking their toll.
Massive (((hugs)))
Robbo x |
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| Snoflake |
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| Joined: 13 Sep 2009 |
| Posts: 1627 |
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Posted: Fri Mar 18, 2011 8:49 pm |
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Thank you both,
I'm not ignoring you on the BBB thread - just a bit stressed and down and feel like crying most of the time. Going to the gym (4 x this week) and dieting doesnt seem to be working much either. Ive only lost 5 lbs in 3 weeks.....I want 2 stone off, and unless i live at the gym i dont think its going to happen!
I feel constantly wound like a coil, and expecting a snap. I did last night at DH - I was run off my feet yesterday, and didnt get to eat a thing until nearly 9pm! (all day) - no wonder really.
Love Julie xx |
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| Robbo2 |
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| Joined: 14 Mar 2007 |
| Posts: 1162 |
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Posted: Sat Mar 19, 2011 10:32 pm |
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OH julie
Don't worry - never thought you were ignoring us just a bit quiet !
I know that horrible feeling all too well. As for the weight loss just keep going and you will start to notice a difference in the way your clothes fit - even if weight loss isn't as much or as quickly as you would like. They also say that 1-2ibs per week should be your weekly target so you're rght in there. They say this is the best way to keep it off.
Have you had any acupuncture - it worked wonders for me when I was feeling like you are now. Stress wasn't my reason for going to acu but when I mentioned it she said she could help - and did!
Best be off - big (((hugs)))
Robbo x |
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| Snoflake |
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| Joined: 13 Sep 2009 |
| Posts: 1627 |
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Posted: Tue Jun 28, 2011 2:40 pm |
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Dearest Eleanor,
Your memorial stone went up yesterday - its actually quite beautiful. It has a gold star on the top, as id like to think of you sitting on a star.
Cameron loves it, but said he would do anything to have you back and be a big brother.
I think i lost a piece of my heart the day I lost you. For a long time it felt like it was breaking - now it just aches when i think of you. Its nearly your 1st birthday, and although i feel better in some ways - i dont think i will ever feel whole again.
Mummy xxx
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| Robbo2 |
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| Joined: 14 Mar 2007 |
| Posts: 1162 |
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Posted: Tue Jun 28, 2011 10:08 pm |
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Julie
It looks beautiful. Just so sorry it has to be there at all. Big hugs.
Robbo x |
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| ShellyM |
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| Joined: 19 Aug 2004 |
| Posts: 1712 |
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Posted: Wed Jul 06, 2011 3:49 pm |
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Julie,
the stone looks beautiful hun, I am sure Eleanor is sitting on that star and looking over you and your family.
Shelly xxxx |
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_________________
6 x BFN
08 DE Spain - BFP!
Jun10 Nat miracle, Noah born asleep at 15 wks
Dec11 Nat Mir mc 6wks
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| Snoflake |
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| Joined: 13 Sep 2009 |
| Posts: 1627 |
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Posted: Mon Jul 11, 2011 2:36 pm |
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Thanks Robbo, Shelly.
I wish it wasnt there too - but i didnt want her to be forgotten - as if she'd never touched our lives. |
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| Snoflake |
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| Joined: 13 Sep 2009 |
| Posts: 1627 |
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Posted: Mon Aug 08, 2011 8:46 am |
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My darling Eleanor,
It would've been your birthday this week. I'm so sad you're not here. I look at the 1 year olds now and wonder. New babies still make me cringe a little, and I can't bring myself to look.
I will be bringing you some lovely flowers and a cloth of course to clean your memorial, after everyone has scared themselves silly at Alton towers.
Love you, miss you always
Mummy. Xxx |
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Posted: Mon Aug 08, 2011 11:08 am |
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Huge hugs, Julie.
lol
Reds
xx |
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| Robbo2 |
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| Joined: 14 Mar 2007 |
| Posts: 1162 |
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Posted: Mon Aug 08, 2011 10:17 pm |
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((((hugs))))) and thinking of you
Robbo x |
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| Snoflake |
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| Joined: 13 Sep 2009 |
| Posts: 1627 |
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Posted: Mon Jun 25, 2012 12:06 pm |
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Dearest darling Eleanor,
You anniversary is coming round again.... Can't believe you would be nearly 2! This year I hope things will also be happy as your little sister and brother will be arriving...
Happiness and sadness intermingled. Life...and death... All woven together in a circle. Still miss what should have been, but looking forward to what will be..
Cam is so excited - and hugs my tummy every day - kisses it before I leave him at the school gate... I can't wait to see the look on his face when they arrive. Thinking of you looking down on us,
Love and floaty kisses always....
Mummy xxx |
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| Robbo2 |
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| Joined: 14 Mar 2007 |
| Posts: 1162 |
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Posted: Tue Jul 03, 2012 11:28 pm |
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