CARE Fertility Bulletin Board

Rusty · 16 Mar 2011

Alice you have hit the nail on the head there. That's how I feel. I inject every day thinking is it going to work this time? You are totally in the hands of other people. I have a few more weeks till egg collection etc so just taking it all in my stride x good luck with your treatment x

curly_girl · 11 Oct 2010

Hi Alice, Rusty, Fidyro and everyone else,
Have had a good weekend which has made a big difference. Been very organised and productive and managed a night out with DH, which has left me a little worse for wear but was great fun.

I know exactly what you mean, I have moments when I'm so sure it's going to work And perhaps I should just enjoy these at the time instead of letting the negatives overpower me, so that us what I shall do!
Hoping for a much nicer week this week and the same for all of you Xxx

nin100 · 06 Aug 2009

Oh Dear, ladies I have some really really crap news.
Of the eggs allocated to us from our donor, none of them fertilised. We are shocked, gutted, and utterly fed up. This has never happened to us before and seems so ironic when the reason we were doing DE was to take my crappy eggs out of the equation and replace them with lovely young healthy eggs and even that didn't bloody work.
Going to go back on the waiting list but at the moment I can't help thinking ''what if...''
Good luck to everyone else, hope this doesn't happen to any of you.
Alice x

fidyro · 11 Sep 2011

Hi Ladies

Alice - I posted on your other thread but just wanted to say sorry again, I hope maybe you can get some answers about why this happened, I would certainly ask if the donor had the same result Sad

So so sorry x

Rusty - hope all is going well, hopefully the time will go quicky for you and you'll be at EC before you know it x

Curly-girl - hope you having a nice week and fully recovered from your night out Smile

They are nice at the time though!

We have some great news, my IPs are hopefully going to be parents in October! Obviously can't say too much, been getting BFPs for a while now so trying to stop testing and wait for the scan! Very very excited!!

farmgirl · 27 Aug 2011

Great news for you and IP Fidyro, and sorry that things have turned out like that alice - i would think just the same as you when using donated eggs, it is pants!

I have booked my acupuncture - have to wait until end Feb for an after work appointment as work is too demanding for me to skip off early at the moment Sad

... I am 8 weeks into new diet regime with lots fruit and veg and salmon ... more exercise. The result being that I feel better and am a couple of pounds off loosing a whole stone. So i am trying to get myself fit and healthy ready for when we are top of the waiting list....which will hopefully be after we get back from a long holiday in March...

Just looked at the waiting list times and it seems northampton has gone right down (2 and 3 months) - is this right? or a typo?

how is everyone else doing?

nin100 · 06 Aug 2009

The waiting list is actually amazingly only 2-3 WEEKS!!! If we hadn't planned a holiday for the start of April we probably would've been able to start again pretty much straight away. Also just need a bit of time to gather myself together and be honest with myself about when is the right time to start or if we want to get any tests done on DHs sperm first.
Good luck everyone, I'll pop in from time to time to see how you're all getting on.
Alice xxx

Rusty · 16 Mar 2011

Alice what clinic are you with? That's an amazing short time for a waiting list x

vip · 16 May 2007

Sorry to gatecrash - just wanted to say to Alice how pleased I am that you don't have to hang around and wait for long, wonderful news. Won't be long until you are PUPO Very Happy

Maybe we'll be cycling buddies!

x

Lil Elvis · 01 Jul 2008

Hi Rusty,

It has to be Northampton - their list does get short, then people hear about it and it lengthens again! I did recommend it to one lady who had her initial consultation at the end of September and was pregnant with twins by Xmas. When I joined the list the anticipated wait was 10 months, but we were matched in 4. Northampton are very proactive in recruiting donors, many of whom are altruistic and therefore donate to 2 recipients at a time and therefore further reduces the waiting list. More importantly the staff their were always wonderful with us and gave us a huge amount of confidence.

I hope things are going well with you and that you have the same success with which we have been blessed thanks to our wonderful donor.

Caroline xxx

Maple · 15 Nov 2008

Hi Caroline - me thinks it's at Zita West (where George works).

I'm sure Alice will be on to reveal to us which clinic she is at!

Love,
Maple
xxx

Lil Elvis · 01 Jul 2008

Hi Maple,

Northampton's is currently listed as 2 to 3 months.

I have had the dreaded letter asking whether I want to stay on the list. My practical brain says no, but another part of me doesn't want to close the door as it just seems so final. Not really helped by the fact that I still feel terribly guilty at being at least a little relieved when we lost Hannah's twin as I was so paniced about how I would cope. I know I didn't wish that little one away, but it makes me feel so down at times, especially when I think of Hannah being an 'only'. I also feel doubly selfish when I think of all the ladies like you who would give anything to have the happiness I have been blessed with.

IF is so rubbish and so unfair! It is just tempered a little by the dedication of the professionals and the enormous hearts of the donors who strive to help ladies like us.

I hope you are progressing as you deserve to have your dreams come true.

Caroline xxx

Maple · 15 Nov 2008

Caroline,

It is so difficult isn't it ... it would be lovely for Hannah to have a sibling (and another child for you, of course) ... but, it is the possible heartache and pain of additional cycles which deter you from going again (as there is no guarantee that it will work first time as you know). It is a toss between whether you 'want' to go through it all again or whether you should call it a day and concentrate on (and be contented with) the one special miracle you've got.

You are not selfish at all ... it's natural for you to feel this way.

Even though you were panicked by the prospect of twins ... you would have managed (like most mothers do), even though it would have been extremely hard work.

Even if you had twins ... you might still be pining for more kids now ... as you know a lot of IVF ladies with twins still do!

Naturally for ladies like me ... we just aspire to have just one. But this aspiration general changes once the initial 'goal' has been achieved. For me and my DH, one will be all we need, as we are done with all the heartache and pain ... and our age is a huge restricting factor. It would sadden me, that we may die well before the child becomes an independent adult ... it would be selfish of us to bring someone on this earth and not to take care of him/her until they are able to fend for themselves and emotionally old enough to be able to deal with loss.

I guess you and your DH will have to have a heart-to-heart sometime soon ... it is a difficult decision, but always remember that you are blessed with one special little one, so the pressure shouldn't be as great, whichever route you take.

Love,
Maple
xxx

Lil Elvis · 01 Jul 2008

Dear Maple,

Thank you, as always, for your wise words. It isn't just getting the letter from the clinic ... 2 out of the 8 Mums at Hannah's swimming class are pregnant again and I bumped into an NCT Mum on Thursday and she is now 13 weeks gone with her second. BUT - they are all in their 20s and no, I am not jealous as I know some IVFers sometimes get. I am just sad that it wasn't, and would never be, that easy for us. My family wouldn't really understand as my sister made a conscious decision, for a variety of reasons, to just have one. I am not going to waste any more time thinking about 'ifs'. If I had met DH sooner, if we had started trying sooner, if we had tried IVF earlier. Because then we wouldn't have had the baby we have now, and I wouldn't swap her for one that had my genes. In a very strange way it is quite liberating never trying to look for myself in her - it makes life with her more interesting because I am even more conscious that she is her own unique person and I love that she surprises me every day.

I know that DH is sure that Hannah is 'enough'. He is conscious that he has already outlived both his sister and his father, and I know he worries about the idea of me getting back on the whole IVF train again.

I am truly, truly happy ... but there will always be the odd day when I have a little sigh and a little pang of regret.

Thank you, as always, for being there. I just wish I could do more to support you, but I understand your need to keep some things between yourself and your DH. I think of you always, and though not religious in any way, I do say a few words (in case someone is listening!) for you.

Caroline xxx

nin100 · 06 Aug 2009

Hello ladies, yep Caroline is right, its Northampton. Maple I did my last cycle with my OE at Zita West with George but went on the waiting list in August at Northampton having heard such good things about it (and being recommended by Caroline!). We were also told 10-12 months but it was just under 4 months when we were matched. After my big disappointment recently I phoned Karen who told me that the current wait is 2-3 weeks! I was flabberghasted. But as Caroline said, once people hear about it the waiting time is sure to go back up again.
I must say I too have been extremely impressed with everyone at Northampton. They all come across as so caring and lovely. And Karen is a wonderwoman. Its down to her hard work that the waiting time is so short.
Caroline, I can really really relate to what you're going through at the moment. The letter you received has forced you to think about things and stirred it all up for you. Although I am still trying to have another, this will DEFINITLY be our last go. I now really want to get on with my life and enjoying what I have without this ivf malarky hanging over me. I have a very dear friend with one child. She too would have liked more but wasn't able to. She is my inspiration for being happy with one and she is always telling me about the positives. But she too has days when she feels sad about it, even sheds tears and I think that is something I have to accept. Being happy with one doesn't mean never feeling sad about it, just that those sad feelings aren't at the forefront and don't take over.
Wishing you both lots of love and luck.
Alice x

nin100 · 06 Aug 2009

Whoops, forgot to say to VIP - I would absolutely love it if we could cycle together. When do you think you'll be starting again?
Alice x

Maple · 15 Nov 2008

Alice - thanks for revealing!

I wonder if Northampton is feeling bad/sorry for what happened to you (even though it was not their fault), and you have been put back at the top of the waiting list.

I am pleased that you won't have to wait when you are ready to cycle again.

Love,
Maple
xxx

nin100 · 06 Aug 2009

Thanks Maple.
Not that it was at the forefront of my mind but I did ask if I would have to pay the registration fee again, and whether I would get any kind of refund. I'm waiting to hear back...
This experience was bad enough without thinking about the Â£5k this cycle cost without even getting embryos to transfer.
Alice x

Maple · 15 Nov 2008

Hi Alice,

I would have thought that you would get a bit of refund for not getting to ET. It didn't cost the clinic anything as it was an altruistic donor ... except for a few scans and the cost of EC (which would have been shared by the other recipient). I'm not sure if they will be only charging for the 'nominal' cycle cancellation cost, since you got pass the EC stage (which is the biggest cost).

I would have thought that you won't have to pay for the registration fee again.

Good luck!
Maple
xxx

Maple · 15 Nov 2008

Caroline,

I know that even if success is achieved, the emotional scars of IF will remain. It is such a difficult decision whether to cycle again and re-ignite the touch paper (with the potential of another baby at the end of it, but no guarantees of course) or leave well alone and channel your all energy and love into Hannah.

It really depends on how much you are willing to further sacrifice for the potential of another miracle ... having to go through the ups and downs of cycling again for that potential.

You said that you feel sad when you think of Hannah being an 'only', you have to think that Hannah will never blame you for not trying for another once she can understand why. She will be happy with wonderful parents like you and your DH. An 'only' child is not at all bad ... it has lots of advantages too.

It's your feelings and emotions which you have to deal with ... not an easy task.

Best of luck.
Love,
Maple
xxx

Rusty · 16 Mar 2011

Good evening ladies x don't suppose anyone can answer this. I'm on day 21 of down reg using bruserelin and I'm getting bad cramps in my legs. I had them last week too I just thought it was due to a hard week at work as I'm a dance teacher. But the day after I bled so put it down to that. Period cramps etc. Got them again tonight but I haven't done enough dance this week to justify it. I'm also as irritable as sin!! I find myself falling into negative feelings re treatment. I could just be getting a bit weary (4th attempt ) any views?
Xxx

curly_girl · 11 Oct 2010

Sorry I couldn't answer Rusty. Did you get any answers? Xx

nin100 · 06 Aug 2009

Just popping in to see how everyone is getting on.
Rusty, are you still getting the cramps?
Curly, are you starting soon?
Farmgirl, hows the acupuncture and diet regime?!

I'm keeping an eye on you all and cheering you on from the sidelines.
Alice x

Rusty · 16 Mar 2011

Hi there Alice x cramps have eased thanks. I have started next stage of my
meds as EC is very close!! I hope you are ok x I've been thinking of you and your situation lately x it's such a difficult one. I hope Care is looking after you x

Lil Elvis · 01 Jul 2008

Alice,

thanks for your lovely words - I am sorry if anyone thought I was hijacking your thread, it just sort of came out. Take some time before you decide what to do next, and I am sure you will decide what is right for your family. I am currently brushing off the questions as to when we will have another - announcing I will be 45 next month usually causes jaw-dropping silence from other Mums, but I have also been very up-front about DE.

Rusty - I will be checking in on you also. I remember the feelings so well! Excitement mixed with that horrid knot in your stomach. It does take a lot of strength to go through this, but just try to keep your eye on the goal and stay as positive as you can.

Good luck to all you DE ladies!

Caroline xxx

curly_girl · 11 Oct 2010

Hi all,
Been a little quiet in here this week. How is everyone?
I think I'm ok to say that I start taking my tablets tomorrow. I'm starting with climaval. Anyone got any experience of it?
Curly Xxx