CARE Fertility Bulletin Board

wobally · 24 Nov 2008

Hi All

Woo - sending lots of love, hun. Hope you're all doing OK. xxxxx

Sar - woohoo!! At last! Brilliant news. xxx

Hope everyone else is OK and having a good week. It's half term here and the weather's been rubbish so far! We've managed to get out and about though. LO is much better healthwise but I've had a horrible sinus infection and so have felt awful all week. Still feel fuzzy headed but the end is in sight Smile

. I hope!!

x

Woo · 28 May 2007

Wobally - we are okay hun taking a day at a time. Having a meeting with our SW on Friday to talk.

Sorry to hear you are not feeling well hun hope you get better soon Smile

The weather is awful here too the rain just never stops.

Hope everyone else is well.

Take care
Woox

Hel75 · 13 Apr 2010

Hello... remember me...?!
Cannot believe how long it is since I managed to get on here.. It's just taken me about an hour to read all the posts since my last visit!

Sar- sounds like you've had to be on the ball with your lot, glad you've finally got a SW and good luck for 18th June x

Wobally- Gosh, your LO hadn't even moved in last time I got on here, hope all is going well x

Elizabeth- your post (months ago!!) about an adopted mummy is no less of a mummy had me in tears x

Mel- how are things going? x

Hello to Josie, Sue and Luce- welcome aboard!!

Woo- don't know where to start, reading your journey has had me in tears, what emotions you have been through and I admire your honesty and for making a brave decision, you are one hell of a woman. You have made a difficult decision but one which will be best for all involved I am sure - sending you big hugs xxx

AFM... I am finally getting my life back, 3 weeks of my PGCE to go and have managed to get a job at the Nursery I was working at before teaching 2 days/wk (decided to accept it as part time might be best atm!). Have had a rough few months, course has been tough going but enjoyable but alongside that my cousin died- had broken her ankle and dr took her off medication and she died of a blood clot, was only 32, was so sad. Then few weeks ago had to have my 17 year old dog put to sleep- been dreading the day and social worker had even said before approval panel that they might ask me if i was prepared to do it... But my little old man made the decision easier for us, was so sad but know it was time for him to go and a LO arriving would have been too much for him (bl**dy soft c*w- sat in tears typing this!!) So with 2 sad losses and pressure of the course coming to an end I haven't been on here, but I am back!!!
We have got our new SW (can't remember if I said after approval panel SW said she was leaving?) out tomorrow morning with details of a potential match.... Feel stupidly anxious and ridiculously emotional about everything atm!!!

Love to all, it is good to be back- apologies for a waffly and me focused post!!

Hel xxxxx

Elizabeth hope · 20 Oct 2007

Hi Hel

I am welling up at the post about your cousin and your doggy. I have no words of sufficient comfort in respect of your cousin but I am sure that she was loved very much all around and she knows that.

Your doggy has made room for your little one, that is how much he wants you to bring your little one home, that is very special. Your memories will be with you in your heart forever. be sure to put a little picture of him in your little ones room so that you can talk about your family dog forever. I am never afraid to share the story of pets going to heaven with D.
Good luck for tomorrow.

I don't know if you know but we are going to panel in next month for approval for another little one. It's not matching but we are already being linked with possible matches so we are on our toes. It's important to stay grounded at this time too as things can change quickly with links and even matches and before you know it, it is going in a different direction. We are all here to share it with you.

I keep meaning to do an update of our second time round story so far. Will do it later.

Just off to meet Wobally in the rain......better not be late as I wont be able to lie as she will see this....hot choc for the boys ready, wellies and coats ready, D dressed....ooops Mummy in her pj's...bring on Jeremy Kyle!!

Hope all the angels on hols with their cherubs this week are having fun.

Mel, when you get chance would you be able to update the front page please ?? I daren't as will muck it up...

Elizabeth
xxx

Woo · 28 May 2007

Hel

Hi hun was wondering how you were. Sorry to hear about your loss with your cousin and your dog - you are having a tough time hun. Not much words of wisdom hun but I am sending you a MASSIVE hug and love. I think you have a lot going on at once with adoption and your job and everything else. Be good to yourself hun and take some time to do some nice things for you. I hope something comes of your potential match. Thank you for your kind words we are meeting SW tomorrow for a talk. It was hard to make that decision, however, I knew that in my heart it was the right thing to do. Sad

Elizabeth - hope you and Wobally had a good day in the rain LOL Smile

Hope everyone else is well.

Woox

Hel75 · 13 Apr 2010

Hope you're not getting to wet Elizabeth and Wobally!!

Mel- hope your meeting with SW goes well tomorrow x

Thanks both of you for your kind words... We have another dog but it feels strange with just the one now and my little old man was such a character, but I believe he knew it was time to move on and make way for a LO... xxx

SW has been and gone- 9 month old girl!! No other adopters being considered, hopefully meeting her SW asap- any suggestions about questions I should be asking?

Feels so good to be back and able to ask you all for advice... xxxxx

Elizabeth hope · 20 Oct 2007

Arhh Hel.....have you come back down to earth yet??

It's all very exciting isn't it. Keep up posted on the little ones social worker visit.
Has the care order been granted for her yet? Make sure you ask this question. It is iwth bitter experience I have witnesssed on here too many people messed around by the lack of this.
Apart from this, be yourself. Also ask if they are looking at any other families and when they anticipate matching panel and intros.

Sure others will come on with more info.

Great news, one step at a time. She says...haha...Wobally will vouch that I am in a right old tizz at the mo.

Wobally and I had a great day, got rained on and the boys were angels and monkeys in equal proportion....D was a little brat at times to be fair but we did find the humour in it all....eventually!! Hard not to when your drenched and the boys are taking it in turns sitting on the floor and refusing to move another step. Oh how we laughed didn't we wobally??!! Rolling Eyes

Elizabeth
xxx

Hel75 · 13 Apr 2010

Hi Elizabeth,
Says on the info that a care order has been applied for, but doesnt say it has been granted.... Does this mean parents could say they want her (think they already have but she has been with foster carer since day 1)
Asked our SW and she said we were the only ones being considered for her, they would ideally like matching panel at the end of July and intros etc over the summer hols!!!!!

Another wet day....

Hel xxx

josie67 · 02 Oct 2011

Hello everybody,

What a wet and windy day it is! hope Elizabeth and wobally, that you have dried off after your grand day out. Just interested... did you know each other before this, or did you just realise you lived reasonably close to one another and decide to meet as a good support system and friends who understand one another? it is great to have other people who know what you have been through and are going to go through. My DH and me went to court this week to support our friends and their adopted kids as they celebrated their adoption order. I am so happy for them. The relief on their sons face as he realised that he was finally secure for ever. Bless him!

Woo, I am glad that you are working through this tricky time. Hope you see way forward when you have your meeting with the sw. How are your DH and dd?

Hi to Hel, lovely to cyber meet you. I find this board so wonderful for information and to meet fabulous people. And it sounds as though you are at a very exciting stage on your journey Hun. Keep us posted.

We start our course next week! Everything is signed and sealed in terms of application. So I guess our next stage will be to have a social worker assigned to us?

Right, better crack on... Still in my pj's!

Lots of love, Josie xxx

wobally · 24 Nov 2008

Elizabeth - oh, how we did laugh - through gritted teeth! I didn't think D was being a brat. Little Wobally has much finer moments, I assure you!! Smile

But they had a lovely time and we had a nice chat and some fresh air so a successful day in my view and I look forward to the next one Very Happy

x

Woo - hope your meeting with SW goes OK today x

Hel - welcome back and, oooh, how exciting! I'd echo Elizabeth - has the care order already been granted and, if not, when's the court day. Also we asked about any other siblings, how long he'd been with foster carers, when he last had a medical and what the outcome was and just general questions like that. And (if you want to go ahead), when they will give you a definite decision about whether you are the chosen adoptive family - we had to wait for weeks for a decision (twice!) and it was torturous! Keep us posted x

Josie - hope the course goes really well and, yes, I would expect the next stage to be assignment of a sw.
Elizabeth and I just worked out we lived close to one another - but strangely enough, just afterwards, my sw told me about an adoptive parent locally who she thought would be a good contact for me and it turned out to be Elizabeth Smile

.
My first little cat got run over - I was heartbroken too. She was only 18 months old. The 2 I have now are both 14 so they've obviously managed to dodge cars a lot better though x

Hope everyone else is doing OK. Off food shopping with LO in tow. Wish me luck! Very Happy

xx

Elizabeth hope · 20 Oct 2007

Hi everyone

Woo, yes it was great and spoke to our SW today and told her how it was and she laughed. Think she must feel quite proud of her hard work hey??
Well as we discussed yesterday, things have a way of changing round and today I got call from her to say she needs to bump our panel date....arggghhh. I was gutted. Then DH said, wot if a child needs a matching panel and our approval panel got in the way of that family getting to meet each other earlier. So I phoned H and said 'Yes that's fine but don't do it again...please'. I got to talk all my concerns through with the discussions we had and she has emailed the other SW and cc'd me in so at least that will push things one way or another. Still gutted but she is drowing in panels at the mo and to be honest we were being rushed through a bit. As long as it goes ahead in August now we can't moan. Still bloody disappointing though. Gives me the whole of June and July to concentrate on little man going to school to be honest and my diet that isn't a diet.

Hel, try not to worry and it isn't mine or Woballys intention but as we discussed yesterday, there is so much going on behind the scenes it is a good idea to get quietly excited but at the same time to ask you SW to keep you in the loop at all times. In particular remember that the person that makes the link decision is the childs social worker. It all sounds good so far though.

Josie, any links you can have with adoptive parents will be good for you and little ones. It normalises adoption for them and for you. At no point yesterday did w and I have to explain why we needed to handle the kids in a certain way. When little W cried I so wanted to scoop him up and soothe him ( he is the cutest crier in the world) but I knew it was an important moment for mummy W and baby W. Friends of mine have tried to soothe D before and I have to explain why I need to soothe his poorly knee for example. How lovely for you to share a celebration day. Panel are going to LOVE you.

Hope your all ok and looking forward to a nice weekend.

Elizabeth
xxx

Woo · 28 May 2007

Hel - I think as Elizabeth said hun just be yourself, be open and honest and see what happens. Sounds as if things are quite straight forward - if they are talking about during summer hols. I would ask again about the care order though - from experience I know what can happen - however we are in Scotland and it could be different.

Josie - things seems to be moving well for you and I hope you get your SW assigned to you soon.

Wobally - how are you getting on hun? How is LO getting on at nursery.

Elizabeth - oh a feel sorry for you that your panel has been shifted - however things have a way of working out and as you say you have June and July to concentrate on your LO at home.

We had our meeting with our SW yesterday and we have decided that this is the end of the road for us on adoption. We have been trying for a second child for 7 years - 1 year trying on our own, 3 failed ivf attempts, endometriosis and all that brought, hysterectomy, 3.5 years of adoption (including 2 failed links and one year spent on waiting for LO after matching panel). Our SW is in agreement with our decision. We have been through enough as a family and half of our DD's life has been spent trying to have another child. We are going to concentrate on her and ourselves - she is in 2nd year of Grammar School and probably only has another 5 years at home before Uni or whatever she decides to do.

I am not sure if anybody would still like me to post on here now given our decision. However, I wish you ladies all the best and good luck for the future for all of you and your little ones.

Take care
Woox

Elizabeth hope · 20 Oct 2007

Arhh Woo...you must stay if you can face it as you have so much you can share and your DD is just as important as any child from IVF or adoption and I love to hear about what you are both up to.

If you find it too hard we can stay in touch via email or phone but see how you go, not too many changes as once. I am sad you are not continuing to adopt but who knows whats round the corner. I think it will free you to concentrate on you DD now. Like I said the other day. By sticking it out little one wasn't returned to birth mum and in this case it would seem that this will have done him a huge favour. His future is now his own and he can be adopted without all the messing around. It will all work out for you all in the end. You have been very brave.

Take care today hun, its still early days. Look after those emotions. (((HUG)))

Elizabeth
xxx

Mel · 16 Mar 2000

Hi All

Just a quickie as been on holiday and have so much to get done to catch up with washing etc.

Woo - I am sorry, though not surprised, that you have decided to call it a day. I wish adoption had worked out more positive for you and your family but sometimes we need to do certain things to realise that what we have is most important. Enjoy your daughter and please feel free to continue to post, FB and email as and when you feel up to it.

Hel - what a busy and sad time you have had ((HUGS)) My DD was 10 months when we read about her and the questions we had were very specific to her. An update on her developement would be a good starting point as most cprs are a number of months out of date and even a week at this age can bring so many changes. Its a Placement Order that is needed to be able to move a child to an adoptive home, the care order will have been granted early on when LO was first in FC. If they don't have a placement order granted you could be in for a long wait and a lot of uncertainty and unfortunately there are still LAs that link people with children that are not legally free for adoption.

Sar - good to hear your homestudy is getting underway soon.

Hi to everyone else, I will catch up properly at some point.

Mel x

Woo · 28 May 2007

Thanks Elizabeth and Mel for your posts will keep in touch.

Woox

Sue123 · 21 Oct 2009

Hello everyone.

Just been catching up with you all.

Woo- I'm so sorry how things have worked out but having said that you seem to be working out what is best for you and your family. I wish you lots of good luck and happiness for the future and would love to hear how you are getting on in the future if you decide to pop on the board now and again. xx

Hel- Things sound really exciting for you at the moment, it will be ages before we get to that stage! Re the PGCE- I did that course and it is hell!! but it will be over soon and youve got lots to look forward to. xxx

Josie- You are miles in front of me- good luck with the training course- I will be coming on to find out the lowdown from you.

Me- Ive been with hubby to the open evening and we are waiting for the SW visit now. Everything takes soooo long!!

Hello to everyone else too, I do read regularly but don't post as I havent much to contribute just yet. Smile

Love Sue.xx

josie67 · 02 Oct 2011

Hello everyone!

Great to hear from you Sue, and I'm pleased that your journey has started for real now. I think they just felt for us because we were desperate to start, and if we didn't get on to the June courses it would be October instead before the journey would start. The compromise was that our home visits couldn't start until August, as that would be 6 months from our February ivf treatment. So we aren't really in front, just lucky to be given the course in June. Are you going with a local authority or a more private organisation? I remember where you said you live and work, so I won't say anything, but I'm presuming it will be one near to you?

Woo, I know how hard these few weeks have been for you, but please please please stay with us! Xxx

Mel, I am so glad that you had a lovely holiday. Where did you get to? Hot and sunny abroad or wet and windy here?

Wobally, it sounds like you and little one are getting on famously. I'm so pleased that everything is going so well. Has he met your extended family yet? Or do they ask to stagger that?

Sorry no more personals, got dinner on the go!

Lotsa love,

Josie xxx

Hel75 · 13 Apr 2010

Woo- would be great for you to carry on posting, but would completely understand if it is too hard for you xx
Sue- hope you get a date for SW visit soon xx
Mel- hope you had a great hols xx

Hope everyone else is okay!
Been back into Uni this morning, I am finding it so hard to focus on the end of my course!!! Can't help but daydreaming- know I shouldn't as its such early days anything could happen, but so hard not to start thinking....

Well, suppose I ought to attempt some work...!
Helx

Elizabeth hope · 20 Oct 2007

Hello ladies

How is everyone?

Just got a quick two minutes to say hi.

Hel....have you stopped daydreaming yet?? It's very hard to stay grounded...even second time round.

I am strugging a bit this week to remain positive and I think its all the doubts about money, age and family dynamics. it doesn't help that our social worker was keen to link us with a child and yet the childs social worker doesn't seem at all keen to reciprocate. Its such a shame because I know we are good very experienced adopters who have weathered the storms a bit and come good and yet equally I know it wouldn't take much for me to say...ok social services...we are throwing the towel in. The problem is though that there are sooo many children waiting and we can make a difference. Our panel date was moved and that hasn't helped either.

Well, sorry to be soo negative but I do believe in portraying a REAL experience.

I am sure its nothing more than a blip.....In the end I still believe there is a child out there that wants to come to us...we will see I guess. D told me today 'There is a baby in your tummy' ( THERE ISN'T...I am in the menopause!!) so I said 'There isn't darling but what made you say that'? He said, 'There is I keep telling you it isn't broken (my tummy) anymore, there IS a baby in your Tummy'. My friends theory is that he knows there is a baby coming and assumes its from your tummy.

Right on that note I better crack on

Elizabeth
xxx

Elizabeth
xxx

Melynsada · 12 Nov 2010

Hi All

Sorry i have not been around for a while I am going through a major stress time at the mo and need to concentrate on whats going on in real life and I dont have time for Cyber life so to speak. I am sorry not to be supportive at this time but big hugs to those that need it.

Woo if your reading this you do whats right for you honey and it would be great to still hear from you.

Elizabeth - sorry your having a time of it with SW and dates changing. i have my first new home visit on Monday and I need to get my head into it after the truama of the last few weeks.

Wobally - glad you had a nice time with Elizabeth.

Mel - glad you had a good hols hope your all doing ok.

Hel - so pleased things are moving on for you and you got a job Very Happy

. So sorry to hear about your cousin and your dog. It is so hard to lose anything be it a friend member of your family or your pet. They all mean something and leave a hole Sad

. Hopefully your new LO will be able to help fill that hole slightly for you. Big hugs

Sue - Get yourself ready for that first visit it is a very long meeting and they ask loads. oh its exciting! Very Happy

Josie - I hope your enjoying the prep course.

So sorry if I have missed anything really important that I have not commented on. I am speed reading I am afraid.

Sar xx

Hel75 · 13 Apr 2010

Elizabeth- the good thing about this board is you can put exactly how you feel and no-one judges as they have all/will all feel the same at some point... Moving your panel date is juat an extra pain for you. Big hugs xxxxx

josie67 · 02 Oct 2011

Hi all,

Sar and Elizabeth, sorry you are having a few down days, and sending hugs.

Also hello to everybody else.

Have had two days of course this week. It has been hard going i won't lie. It just brings to light the awful things that happen to our poor babies to put them into the situation of being adopted. BUT it is important to know, and it is reassuring that there will be lots of support out there to help our babies as they work to move on with their lives.

Just going to do my homework. Have a load to do as we have reflections as well as making notes on a booklet they have given us, and reading up on letterbox. HAve also borrowed two reference books which need returning next week. Think it is time to join my local library and order some of these books in. If there were any books you were going to buy for keeps, which would still be the most useful to have post adoption?

Sorry about the short post everybody,

Josie xxx

Melynsada · 12 Nov 2010

Oh Josie homework I dont remember having any of that and didnt get any info on letterbox to bring home either. Isnt it funny how different agencies run things. The course days are quite draining arent they. I remember after day one coming home and having to lie down Laughing

Have a good weekend everyone. I got my first home study visit with my new social worker Monday morning so spending the weekend cleaning!!! xx

Elizabeth hope · 20 Oct 2007

Sar, if your reading this then shame on you...you should be cleaning!!! HAHA....so should I!!

Josie, prep group is very emotional...like Sar on day two I went home to lay down and cried I think. Please remember this.......its all true and often I have recalled information we were given when D has over eaten then been sick, weed all over the place, kept pooing himself...although he was potty training but there was link between his emotions and his ability to remember to go to the toilet. We went through all the stages they mention but luckily that is the point....we went 'Through' them and didn't stay in them. Some come back very occasionally but on the whole he just moves onto the next phase.

Hel, if they aren't looking at anyone else and intros planned so soon, my guess is that the care order is close. Phone and check the status and then look forward to being a Mummy. Enjoy the last moments of being a couple because it is NEVER the same again. Its better in many ways but the first year or so is tough on couples. Savour lie ins and lazy afternoons watching a film or reading a magazine.

Came home to an email last night and we have got a visit from a SW arranged to discuss a link. HAve zero info at the moment but our SW is keen and she is pretty good at linking.
Also realised this morning our hols is in 10 weeks last night. Better crank up the 'non diet diet'.

Wobally, hows your week been? Will call you later.

Woo?? Are you reading and are you ok??

Mel, you ok hun???

Hi to anyone else reading and apologies to anyone I have missed.

Elizabeth
xxx

Woo · 28 May 2007

Elizabeth - hi hun sorry to hear your panel date was moved, however, your SW coming to see you about a link sounds positive will keep my fingers crossed for you. How is your menopause going? I am having major hot flushes that keep me warm with the cold spells we have been having Smile

Sar - hi hun glad to see you back - I am sorry you are having a tough time at the moment. Glad though to hear you home study is starting on Monday. Hope you have a nice weekend hun Smile

Josie - hun I have a few books on adoption that you are free to have. I was going to give them to Adoption Agency, however, would rather someone on here have them Smile

Hel - have you heard anything else hun?? How is your Uni course going?

Josie - things seem to be moving quite nicely for you now - October will be here before you know it!!

Sue - hope you get your visit from SW soon. Are you going away for summer hols anywhere?

Mel - hope you had a good holiday hun and have caught up with everything LOL Smile

We have booked a holiday at the end of this month. We are going away for 12 days and cannot wait just the three of us so looking forward to it!! DD had her annual prize giving at school yesterday and it was her first year at Grammar School and she gained a Merit and for her Attainment in all her subjects. So proud of her Smile

We had a visit with our SW last week and having a few sessions with our SW to talk over things - so think it will last a couple of months or so.

The weather is absolutely awful here so cold and wet.

Hope everyone has a good weekend.

Take care.
Woox