CARE Fertility Bulletin Board

spaniel2 · 27 Feb 2012

Hi
We have recently had a bfn for our first ICSI cycle. We both want to try again, but unfortunately money won't allow.
It looks like we will need to wait about a year to save up enough.
I find the thought of a year without doing anything proactive to try and have a baby heartbreaking and depressing. Does it get any easier.

Also have any of you tried counselling?, did it help?

piglet:-) · 13 May 2011

Hi spaniel2,
The first few months will be tough. We both had counselling and it really helps.

We only waited 4 months before trying second cycle, so didn't really have time to properly deal with things. I thought it was best just to get on with it. It's now been 9 months since our 2nd cycle. I found the first few months very difficult and cried almost everyday for first month or so, then maybe every week in second month. Then life got busy and I was distracted from it all. When life calmed down, I thought it was time to think about trying again.

My DH wasn't ready which meant I couldn't move forward, but in that time, I realised I only parked my emotions up when I was busy and not properly dealt with things.

My counsellor said it gets harder each time u try. Emotionally hard but physically easy.

I'm not fully ready to try again. Maybe early next year.

All I can say is that you are 27? Enjoy yourselves and take the year off to save up and explore options.You can still be pro active and try naturally. Miracles occasionally happen.

I think there's nothing worse than jumping into it again unless you are both ready. Turned out my DH felt 2nd time was too soon but didn't say anything to me at the time.

If it gets too much, remember you are not alone. Ladies on here have been really helpful and we all know what it's like.

Do everything you can after this terrible period to look after yourself and treat yourself. It's ok to say, pig out or do whatever makes you happy. You deserve it after all that you been through.

Xxx

flossie78 · 12 Apr 2011

Hi Spaniel 2,

I am so sorry yout first cycle didn't work out for you and can understand how your feeling x

Piglet has given you some great advise here.

We had our first cycle in april 2011 and got a BFN as it was NHs funded we decided we wanted to have a second go as soon as possible afterwards so we got the money together and went again in aug 2011 but looking back I think I should have waited longer as I found it very hard both physically and emotionnally. I spent alot of time crying inbetween cycles and following the second cycle. I wish we had taken care up on their offer of counsilling!!! Financially we were not in a position to have a third go but 12 months on we have the money and have just started our third cycle.

I'm not sure the break has helped though to be honest as I am feeling very anxious and I'm not sure I was ready to start again (fear of failure mainly) but my DH pushed for it. I think it will differ from person to person.

You are still very young and have time on your side, give the councilling a go as you have nothing to lose. Make sure you look after yourself after the emotional rollercoaster you have been on and do what you feels is best for both of you.

xxx

piglet:-) · 13 May 2011

Hey Flossie78,

Good luck with your cycle. I know what you mean by not feeling ready and anxious. I think no matter how long we wait, we will feel anxious because of the fear of failing again.

I think if you know you are not ready, you will know it. But it's not uncommon to feel anxious. Apparently feeling anxious doesnt mean you are not ready. Think that's what my counsellor said. Hope it makes sense.

In my waiting period before we look at trying again, I'm looking at other options! Thought about accupuncture, but I don't think it helps in isolation. So now, I'm starting to look at adoption!!!!

I think I want to get some information on it, so that if our 3rd cycle fails, it might not feel like the earth is crumbling down completely, as I will have an idea of our possible next steps.
I've always thought about adoption since our first cycle. I always wanted a big family so knew that if ivf worked, we probably won't be able to afford more goes. So adoption would be a great way to get that big family I wanted. Big used to be 3-4 kids. Now, 1-2 would be a dream!

Before, I tried to avoid other peoples babies and kids as it just made me feel bad after our experience. Now, I'm thinking of making an effort to be more around them. Think it must be the thought of adoption that's getting me out of my hole.

Don't know what it's going to be like next year though. We are thinking of trying again early next year, and I have people at work having babies around then. Just dredding the thought of if it goes wrong again.

Spaniel, time does help to heal. I went from crying alot in first few months to now, looking forward to the future. Although its still uncertain. I think I've had enough of crying, but I still maybe get triggers off a couple times a month.

Xxx

flossie78 · 12 Apr 2011

Hi Piglet,

Thanks for your kind words. I know where your comming from as I always wanted 4 children but would be over the moon now with one. We have said this is our final cycle as we can't keep throwing money at it. Not sure what our next move will be if we get another BFN, not really sure if adoption is the path for me.

I started having accupuncture after my first failed cycle as I had heard it could help but ended up with a second failed cycle. I carried on havinng acupuncture until christmas last year but without success. I decided to save the money for IVF as the sessions where quite expensive and I was having to travel a good 45 minutes to get to the appointment.

While I've been on the IVF path it seems everyone around me has had a baby and it has been so hard to cope with, like you I have also found myself avoiding people with babies as I find ot too heart breaking.

I really hope things work out for you x

piglet:-) · 13 May 2011

Hey Flossie,
It's strange to see how similar our journey has been. I did accupuncture for 6 weeks leading up to and including during my second cycle.

Was chatting to someone tonight. She just made me feel I am not ready. I might go for the accupuncture again in the interim. We've had alsorts including having people pray for us!!!

I hear about people who tried for over 10 years (think naturally, but not sure) and finally suceed. We all need that bit of a miracle.

Flossie, you can have counselling during your cycle too. Seriously, give it a go. First few sessions at care are free.

Good luck chic.

Pigs.x

flossie78 · 12 Apr 2011

Evening Piglet,

Thanks for the advise on councelling, I didn't know they offer it during cycles. I will have a word with DH and give Care a call and see what they can offer.

We have tried all sorts of different thing to help, I have even managed to completely change my husbands diet while we have been on this journey (he didn't eat much veg before but will eat most veg and salad now). We have spent a fortune on diff vitamins. I'm still looking for that little miracle.

You will know when you feel ready again hun.

Good Luck x

piglet:-) · 13 May 2011

Hey Flossie
How's the cycle doing?
I just can't stop thinking bout things lately. Maybe means I'm ready to start again. But gonna get info on adoption, look at Chinese meds or give it a try, and then start again I think.
Just need that little miracle.
P.xx

Emzywhemzy · 21 Nov 2012

Nov 2012 ivf with ICSI BPN

So ladies, after our first try with ivf and icsi failed we had our follow up appointment today. According to the doctor, our two embryos were grade 2, they had 4 cells and looked great. However due to whatever reason it didn't work. Devastated. So today we were told that due to me being 37 its best to try again with the ivf and icsi as soon as possible. Dr said early May.... Costing.... Nearly Â£4500, we have the money due to my husbands Christmas bonus but I'm scared to try again and it not working. My husband has said we should have a relaxing Christmas and then go ahead if we both still feel the same. I'm confused and scared.

Kellyd · 17 Dec 2012

Hi emzywhemzy, so sorry for your bfn it's awful isn't it. I was on 2ww wait last week but bled the day before test day. I have my review app on 4th jan we have one frozen 5dpt so hopefully can you that in jan. I am determined to start again as soon as I can. We were trying for a family for 3 years and it was horrible time. We are lucky to have a little boy who is nearly one from ivf/icsi last year but we both want to give him a sibling if we can. Hope your ok.

Emzywhemzy · 21 Nov 2012

Hi Kellyd,
We have decided to start a fresh cycle in April. Good news that you have a frozen one. I really hope it works for you. We are feeling more positive today and thinking positively. If this cycle doesn't with then we are going to look seriously into adoption. Thankyou for your lovely reply. Xxx

Kellyd · 17 Dec 2012

Emzywhemzy, April isn't that long away, i think this year has gone so quick when you look back. Try and have a relaxing Xmas and think positive that's what I'm trying to do. X

Emzywhemzy · 21 Nov 2012

Hi Kellyd, I think this year has gone too which but I'm ready for 2013. Lets try to stay positive together. Have a great relaxing Christmas xxxxxxxxx

Me; 37 dh 43
Nov 2012 ivf/icsi bfn