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| Jez |
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| Joined: 23 Sep 2005 |
| Posts: 47 |
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 Posted: Fri Feb 29, 2008 9:25 am |
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Hello Nikki
Thanks for your kind message .... don't know how far you've delved back into my posts but I have done some lovely positive ones before, especially four years ago, when we had our only pg; et was four years ago on the 27th February, but we miscarried on 2nd April. My story of that is hidden back in the mens' forum, headed something like "what a rollercoaster" ....
Life isn't a dress rehearsal at all, and mine is going to change, and sooner rather than later, and there are times when I'm down, and there are times when I am up, but generally I'm feeling stronger and more positive about the future; where ultimately I'll end up, who knows, but I do know I can't stay in the dark place where I've been for the last year, year and a half (or has it been longer ...?)
I do feel "quite strange" right now, I feel quite emotional, quite excited, optimistic, positive, a bit afraid and apprehensive too ... things I haven't felt since our last 2ww two years ago ... ok, I've had the odd hour of happiness and joy during that time, but that's all it's been, just the odd hour, the occassional minute here and there, nothing more ... and now it feels like I'm throwing off the heavy weight that has been crushing me and that I'm waking up again!
I came across a lovely song the other day, I've played it loads of times but never "heard" it before and yesterday one line just leapt at me, stopped me dead in my tracks, and reduced me to tears! If you're on MySpace, check out a band called "Tinderbox" and listen to "Behind the Smile" - I think you'll all find in it what I did! I've no idea how she came to write the song but I'm seeing them next week and might ask her ...
Go gently
Jerry xx |
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| Nikki B |
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| Joined: 15 Dec 2005 |
| Posts: 2198 |
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Posted: Tue Apr 22, 2008 1:08 pm |
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Hiya hun,
Just wanted to tell you that Im thinking of you as I know this time of year isnt an easy one for you! Big Hugs! How are things? I did dredge up your past (you've changed your username a few times though but you didnt manage to throw me of the scent!) LOL.
Is that elephant still in the room or have you served it with an eviction notice yet?
Hope you're ok, think of you often!
Whats your name on myspace? I joined not that long ago... you dont have to tell me if you dont want...
Nikki
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| Jez |
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| Joined: 23 Sep 2005 |
| Posts: 47 |
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Posted: Tue Apr 22, 2008 4:59 pm |
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Oh Nikki
Thank you! It means a lot!
Yes, several differnt usernames - blinkin BB sometimes having seizures and not letting us in the past, and having to register again - doesn't seem to do that, but then I don't come here too often!
Yes, this time of year (well, from the lead in Christmas through to Fathers day in June, then the school summer holidays ... actually that's most of the year really isn't it!) is difficult ... our only pregnancy ended four years ago on April 2nd, at around 6.55 in the evening ... and there are loads of other anniversaries as well ...
The elephant .... mmm ..... still there but being talked about now. I dropped a bit of a bombshell, on bl@@dy Mothers Day of all days ... not planned that way at all but that's just when it came out ... but it has made us start talking again, and discussing options and ways forward ... we've been going out a lot, and doing some grown up child free things but I'm not really sure that is changing anything ... as for my mood, generally it's been pretty upbeat and positive, but not right now, not today, you've caught me in a bit of low today, Nikki; spent too much time sitting here looking at the computer screen but without seeing anything and not getting on with my work.
I did browse here yesterday actually, found that thread about single parenting, going it a lone (not open to us men of course - boohoo!)and the comments about men disappearing when babies appear and so on ... well here's one man that wouldn't!
Thank you so much Nikki, it's lovely to know you're there.
Jx |
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