CARE Fertility Bulletin Board

Roz · 07 Mar 2001

Hi, sorry to bob on and ask for help but having a bit of a nightmare with getting twinnies into any form of routine.

They are 8 weeks old now, one twin is heavier than the other and the smaller one has had a growth spurt this week, so he has needed feeding more often, wakes up and then wakes his brother who is tired and not ready to eat.

How did you go about getting a routine going? We seem to be in a constant cycle of feeding, changing, preparing feeds for next time, day and night. Thankfully DH is around to help, don't know how I would go on if it was just me.

Feeling completely knackered and overwhelmed at the moment and struggling to see the light at the end of the tunnel.

We barely get an hour without a yelling baby to eat/shower/do jobs ourselves.

Thanks so much for reading and any advice would be sooooo much appreciated.

A very puggled Roz xxx

Briony · 06 Apr 2001

Hi Roz,

I've not got any twin experience but just wanted to send you a big, big hug. Those early days with a new baby are full on, with two it must feel very overwhelming at times. These things will pass, but I guess it takes time for babies to adjust to being on the outside, rather than the inside.

I heard an interesting thing the other day about the '4th trimester' - basically the theory went that because of our upright (ability to walk) pelvises, human babies are born gestationally 'early' compared with other similar sized mammals - because otherwise their big heads (relatively, due to bigger brain size) won't fit through our smaller pelvises. This means that a human newborn is more needy and dependent than practically any other newborn mammal, and goes a long way to explain why babies need to be fed often, held close, wake frequently and generally need their mother so much, particularly in the early months. Not sure what others will make of that, but I found it interesting and for me, sometimes when I've got an explanation for something it makes it easier to cope with in a way?

For me when H was little something that helped me gain my hands back was a good wrap sling - I could just strap her on and she'd doze, or fuss, or whatever, but at least I had both hands free. I know that you can double wrap twins - but you might want to find a local sling meet to get some advice (or try u-tube!) - something like a kari-me, moby or sleepy wrap would prob be most suitable in the early days.

Hang in there, it won't be long til you find a bit more of a pattern and maybe get an hour when both are napping at the same time. Perhaps posting on BB&B will get some help from other twin mamas too.

Love Briony

alibluebell · 24 Oct 2007

Hi roz

I'll try and post a good reply later but just to say big hugs to you - it is tough and you are doing really well. Hang in there. A godsend for us was the baby bjorn babysitter chairs to pop them in infront of a mobile or sometimes baby DVD just to take some time out for us and recharge a bit.

I hit a wall at 8 weeks and was physically and mentally exhausted. It's very natural what you are feeling. A routine is great if only so you can get assurance from watching the clock and knowing what comes next. Babies need it too and 3 years on my 2 are well adjusted and settled as routine has always been part of their lives

I'll try and think of some helpful tips but we used the gina ford book - but only bits of it. It's not for everyone as she's a bit authoritarian but looking back I'm glad we did.

Take care keep chin up and all twin mummies will agree it's a challenge filled with highs and lows all the way Wink

Lots of love

Ali xx

alibluebell · 24 Oct 2007

Just remembered our routine

6 or 7 am ish awake feed change play etc

9 am ish 45 minute nap

Feed change play etc

12 ish - 2 hours sleep

2 - 4 feed play change

4 - 45 mins sleep

5 ish feed wind down time bath at 6

Feed lullabies sleep by 7

Dream feed at 10pm ish and poss 2am ish

The important bits were the regular naps in pram or cot - so they get a proper rest and you do too! Also some stimulating play so they get tired out - looking at fabric books and singing and us moving them around in the garden etc all helped.

Can't remember all the feed times but they def had 3 sleeps during the day which meant over 3 hours for us to rest ( although I rarely did with a teen daughter, busy home etc:))

The first nap they will drop is the 4pm one. That will ensure a good sleep from 7pm.

If you can get to something like this it could really help. I had it written up on the fridge and kept checking the routine just for reassurance. It's hard to stretch little babies when all you want to do instinctively is feed and cuddle them but they do need a break and they need good sleep during the day to sleep well at night.

I hope some of that makes sense.

Kep in touch and e mail me too alibarwell@hotmail.com

Ali xx

Roz · 07 Mar 2001

Thanks so mch Briony and Ali Smile

Having a better day today, it's amazing how a bit of sleep puts everything into perspective.

Briony - that's really interesting about human babies. I think the biggest problem is that this time I'm outnumbered! They don't listen to reason - "just hang on half an hour while I feed your brother and I'll come back to you" lol. I have a moby sling, but got really frustrated trying to work it out and gave up! We've eaten several meals with a baby each in our mothercare carriers, one handed.

I was so pleased to read your news, H is gorgeous xxx

Ali - thanks for that routine that is so helpful, just need to know what we are aiming for. I think from reading that another problem we have is that when they finally do sleep, we are so relieved that we leave them too long and then they aren't ready for the next cycle. Thanks for your email address too - have written it down. Just had a look on Ebay at the baby bjorn seats - they look fantastic - even one would help, will look into that.

Going to write down your routine and stick it on the fridge now!

Thanks so much lovely ladies xxx

Brandy · 16 Jun 2009

Hi Roz,

Sorry, I have only just seen this now. xx

Firstly, you are doing a fantastic job, it is a full on job!! Always remember everyone goes through this, babies, like Briony says are very needy the first few weeks.

I totally agree a routine is "The Thing", I tried to get mine on a strict routine from about 6 weeks after my Mom left, she was a great help, but I she loved cuddles ;o) and picked them up every time they niggled (bless her, I do miss having her help).
My routine is pretty much a mirror image of Alis, just the times are slightly different which fit in with our lives more. I think the nap times during the day are crucial as they get soooo tired by the night time that they have problems settling if they don't nap during the day.
I also have 2 "bouncy" chairs which are a great help to give you extra time to do bits. I put them on the floor in the room I am busy in and let them watch me, showering, drying my hair, washing the dishes, loading the washing machine and I just talk to them and tell them what I am up to and they love just listening to me potter about, as long as they can see me.
Alex is a little bit more "sensitive" and needs more attention, but Julian is really laid back, so I am very lucky. BUT, it is very hard to cope when they both kick off at the together, I mastered a way of feeding them both at the same time for 10 minutes till they both calmed down, then I continued with Alex and finished Julian later.

I agree with you about the relief of getting them to sleep and then not wanting to wake them, but as you say it starts a vicious cycle because inevitably they both wake up starving and are more wound up, so I do wake them 4 hourly during the day to feed, even if they are asleep. I also did the "dream feed" initially at 10:30pm as I was finding if I left them they would wake at 2am, so I shifted it forward for them and they then slept till 6:30am. Recently I have managed to drop that 10:30pm feed completely and have increase their day feeds and started a some solids once a day.

Not to confuse you but this is my routine @ 20 weeks:

6:30 Milk
7:00 - 8:00 - Play
8:00 - 9:00 Nap (45-60mins)
9:00 - 10:30 Dress for the day / Play
10:30 - 11:30 Milk, Play
12:00 - 2:00 usually a long sleep, but Julian does not need as much as Alex so he plays after a good nap.
2:30 - 3:30 Milk
3:30 - 5:00 Nap (15-30mins) / Play
5:00 - Solids
6:00 - 7:00 Bath time / Gentle Play (just talking, stories, cuddles)
7:00 - 7:30 Milk
7:30pm - 6:30am Bedtime

At 8 weeks they slept more during the day and I had the "dream feed" in the night time routine, they obviously also did not have the solids.
It was difficult to do the first few days, but we stuck to it and they settled into it. I think the whole bath/giggles/feed/bed thing did them good and now if we are 5 -10 minutes over the routine, they get niggly and ask for it.

I bought 2 Baby Einstein DVD's both about 20 minutes long, one on world animals and one on pets (especially because it has a doberman just like Koda in it), they love it and it gives me 20 minutes peace to recharge and have a HOT cup of tea (although I don't relax as I am always doing something else, but I can carry my tea around with me).

The other thing about waking each other up, not sure if you are co-bedding or not, but we started that and as romantic as it sounds, it did not work for us. They always woke each other up, so we separated them and now they sleep much better.

I hope this helps a little, even if itâ€™s only to let you know that you are doing brilliantly and it does get better with time, I promise xxx
Much love always to you Roz
Nicole

alibluebell · 24 Oct 2007

Nicole wonderful advice and a lovely post to roz. You've got it all Sussed lady Smile

You are doing so well and the routine wont let you down. Btw I separated my boys at 4 months and put them in separate rooms and they've done that ever since with no regrets.

Good luck to you both - it's a wonderful journey x 2 Smile

)

Ali x

Snoflake · 13 Sep 2009

Hi Roz,
I feel your pain...
I was happy to see this post as I am going through the same. My horrors are feeding 3hrly day and night! I'm truly shattered and DH has joined me at my parents today so I'm hoping for a bit of respite....?

Nicole, I will read over your advice and digest. H is usually more restless and tends to hit L and wake him.
Going to bed now in the hope of 2 hours straight sleep..

Love Julie xxx

Rallygirl · 06 Mar 2006

Hi Roz!

Only just noticed this! Huge congrats on your boys, twin boys are fab (well, for the first 5 years anyway!).

I started a definite routine at 8 weeks, where you are now.

I fed every 4 hours. 6am, 10am, 2pm, 6pm, 10pm.

After 6am, both boys would go to sleep for 3 hours. I fed Paul then Mika, always in that order. I had a swing, which played lullabies and rocked gently. I put Mika in that while I fed Paul and it kept him amused. Then Iwould put Paul in it on one of the more gentle speeds and it would rock him to sleep while I fed Mika.

After the 10am feed, Paul would nap and Mika would be awake. I would pop Mika in a baby carrier and potter round, washing bottles, popping some washing on, hanging some out on the line, etc.. Paul would only have a short nap at this stage. Once they were both awake, I'd put them down with the baby gym or do some general play and occupy them for a little while. I had a couple of good mozart for babies CDs too and a great toy that had a kick board that made noises as well as a toy arch overhead.

After the 2pm feed, they both napped, in the pram if we were out or the bouncy chairs if we were in for the afternoon. I didnt bother with cot naps until later on.

At 5pm ish, regardless of whether they were asleep or not, Id bath them then take them to the bedroom, lights down low, give them their bottles and put them down in their cot awake and they'd nod off. At this stage, one of them was being swaddled and the other wasn't but I can't remember which way round it was.

At 10pm, Id wake them both, if they weren't already awake and feed them. Lights down low again, no TV on, no talking to them at all. I'd do the same at 2am except I was only feeding Paul at 2am at this stage.

Hope this helps a bit!

The most important thing for me was to wake them both when feeding so they had the same routine. This got harder when Paul began to get starving and I was feeding him every two hours and Mika every four at one stage. Also, I weaned Paul earlier and Mika refused all food so again they were on different routines then.

Jo xx

Roz · 07 Mar 2001

Just wanted to send Julie an enormous hug. Hope you got your 2 hours sleep. We have just managed the first meal in over 8 weeks before 9pm and without a baby! Whoo hooo!

Will attempt to be back on tomorrow to reply more fully.

Jo - thanks for your post too, am I right in thinking there was a size difference between P&M too? It sounds like you did it on your own for the most part, total respect to you. I cannot imagine how you coped.

Nicole - the Bees are back! And even more gorgeous than before xxxx I separated my two in hospital!! They do nap together through the day as we have a big cot downstairs, but at night they are split up as they do poke at each other/disturb each other. Thanks for your routine - I will have a proper look tomorrow when my brain's not too fried.

xxx

alibluebell · 24 Oct 2007

Roz been thinking of you and wondering how things are going ?! I hope it's all good now and you are able to enjoy every moment with your gorgeous twins Smile

Keep in touch

Ali x

Roz · 07 Mar 2001

Ali

thanks so much for looking out for me.

I THINK (she says tentatively) things are going a little better. It's been bloomin' hard slog, but we have them in more of a routine now. Both have had colic, and both are now showing signs of teething so I think it's going to be an ongoing struggle.

Can I say firstly how anyone copes with 2 babies on their own is beyond me. They have my utmost respect. I have DH around most of the time and we manage to feed them together, otherwise it would be much worse than it is.

BT (big twin) I think would sleep through the night now, but LT (little twin) still wakes for feeds, so we feed both. But my routine is pretty much this (for anyone else looking in in desperation!)

6.45am - get up (irrespective of how awful the night has been).
Feed and get breakfast for self/big DS
8.45 - 9.30am nap then up an play time
10.15am-ish Feed
11.45am-ish Big nap until about 2.15
2.30pm Feed
4.15pm - short nap until about 4.30/4.45
6.15pm - Bath/Feed/Bed by 7pm
10.00-10.30pm Feed
Approx. 3am-3.30am Feed
6.45am it all starts again!

Obviously in amongst all this is washing/sterilising bottles/making up feeds, and occasionally even having a wash myself!

We still have the routine blue-tacked to the kitchen cupboard and try to stick to it whatever else is going on. It helps so much to have something to aim for.

What I have done with BT and LT which I never did with DS is leave them to cry sometimes. They go down for their big nap whatever, and I've found even if they kick off it's only for 5 minutes or so and then they sleep.

They are lovely though and the smiles make the hard graft all worthwhile!

Hope you are all well, I do read a bit but get very little time to post at the moment, in fact the timer has just gone off to make the next round of bottles!

Take care

Roz x

Brandy · 16 Jun 2009

Oh Roz, I so hear you!! It is hard work but a routine helps so much & a little crying is inevitable!! As you say those little smiles makes it ALL worthwhile.
Well done you & DH!!
Lots of love,
Nicole xxxx

alibluebell · 24 Oct 2007

Roz and Nicole great news I'm SO HAPPY for you Smile

Yes twins are bl***y hard work - no secret ! But aren't we lucky ?! My boys are now 3.5 and life is great. They play together ,eat, sleep and make us smile every day. Keep going it DOES get easier but keep the routine. We'd b lost without it - even now Wink

Love to you both xx
Ali x

Spinkle · 10 Jul 2012

bump- nearly there, may be a useful thread for me

let there be hope · 15 Aug 2012

Hope all went well yesterday spinkle, can't wait to hear your news xx