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| molalli |
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| Joined: 21 Aug 2009 |
| Posts: 158 |
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 Posted: Sun Jul 31, 2011 10:55 pm |
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this may sound like abizarre question but try and bear with me! I am not 100% convinced that my DH really gets the point of or the hard work involved in adoption... i am being premature as still in a cycle but am also terrified that as he is in his late 40's we need to decide really soon whether adoption is an option for us? he seems to just think it would all be quite easy and i am unsure of how much reassurrance or probing around his feelings a SW would need as he is the sort to simply shut down.
Any thoughts on the matter appreciated.
Thanks
Mo x |
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| Mel |
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| Joined: 16 Mar 2000 |
| Posts: 6536 |
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Posted: Mon Aug 01, 2011 9:05 am |
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Hi Mo
Good luck with your tx, I hope it works for you and you don't have to find out how your DH will be with adoption.
Adoption isn't the easy solution to having a family, I know the TV makes it look quick and simple but reality is far from that. The home study assessment is very indepth and will probe into every part of your life and history, it can be a very positive experience but you both have to be 100% committed and prepared to bear your sole to your SW. At the end of the day, the better they know you the better the match will be with any children.
Parenting adopted children is different, they will have all suffered early loss and trauma, even babies removed at birth, plus whatever they went through in the womb. Some children are very damaged by their experiences, some less so but things can trigger years down the line that will be linked back to their lifes before adoption. However, you can have a pretty 'normal' life, whatever normal is, depending on what a child has been through and it is very important that you are 100% honest about the issues you could deal with. The prep course and HS are designed to get you thinking about this and working out what you could cope with so don't feel you'd have to make a decision and stick with it.
There are plenty of books out there that may be able to help, one for men is Approaching Fatherhood by Paul May I think (have a look at the sticky book list).
Anyway, good luck and if you do come down this route feel free to join the Angels and ask any questions you have. I think it is quite normal for one person to be more up for adoption to start with, in our case it was me that wasn't sure and we are just preparing to go to matching panel for our 2nd child 
Mel x |
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After years of tx and heartache we are having a family via adoption. 2yr old DS moved in June 08, AO granted 18/12/08 - A Forever Family Dec 09 starting again for #2 :)May 10 approved for #2...Found our daughter, can't wait to meet her |
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