CARE Fertility Bulletin Board

Robbo2 · 14 Mar 2007

Hi Maryrose

Sorry - have removed the link but I'm not sure it's reduced anything as this is how it always shows on my screen - since DS was playing on something and made it this way - can't find how to put it back?*! Hope it's gone back OK for you.

Was wondering how you and Olly were doing - please update us when you have the chance Smile

!

We're not doing bad - DS still not overly keen on school - so not sure what the heck we are going to do come September but everything else apart from the mixing seems to be going fine. He's getting close to 1 or 2 children in his class now and so I'm hoping that it's somethings that's going to get easier for him the more time he spends at school - hate to think of him by himself Sad

!

Robbo x

Elizabeth hope · 20 Oct 2007

Hi Robbo and maryrose

Ooh lovely, I can read the posts now on one screen. It was taking and age and making me dizzy scrolling along.

Well the bed invader struck again but I have bribed him back to his own with the promise of a sticker in the morning. DH has a cold and is making a clicking sound as he sleeps so I am WIDE awake now. Come downstairs for a cuppa and a browse on the comp and spotted this.

Maryrose I think I have missed stuff on school allocation for you, piecing it all together I think you have appealled. If so, when do you find out?

My cousins little boy is being assessed for Autism through school, hes coming to end of reception year. from the first time I met him post baby....so I guess 2, I said to my Mum, there is definately something going on. On his 3rd birthday I was less sure and its all so hard to know even when there are some serious markers because lets face it...there are soo many people walking around with some level of it that you just cease to know what is 'Normal' and what is quirky. I worry for my cousin though because she doesn't really have a great deal of support and doesn't research things. Her son never went to a playgroup/nursery and so I don't know if she has any Mummy friends to share it all with.

Not sure if you know but we have started the process to adopt another little one. I think my new name should be King George because there must be a touch of insanity there to put myself through that first year again!! Mind new I am ordering an 'EASY' one this time!! Laughing

Last week D was a nightmare and sure its cause his nursery owner was away. On Friday he spent some one on one time with her and hey presto he settles right back again and we have had a lovely weekend. I am now dreading the upheaval of school because his life is just about to turn upside down again and he is going to lose more people out of his life.

Robbo, is your little one in reception already?

Elizabeth
xx

maryrose · 04 Apr 2006

You know what, ladies? I could write on here for ever! Sometimes I think autism has hijacked my life Confused

Robbo - thanks and lol at Elizabeth and the page. I was having similar problems as I couldn't remember the start of the sentence by the time I had scrolled to the end! pmsl
What do you post on? I guess if it is a handheld device it explains why you would not be able to tell.

I have a big update on developments but will be back later when I have a bit of P&Q to think whilst I post.
I have just had 9 days off work [bliss!] and in that time I've also shelved all the school and SEN stuff as I had had a bellyfull and needed a break.
Feel a lot better now, but not relishing getting back into it.

Some ladies will be interested to know that we have an appointment with the continence nurse tomorrow...
This is an odd situ., as Olly never wets himself or soils himself and has been dry at night since he came out of nappies about 18mnths ago. However, he sometimes has a bizarre and infutiating habit of peeing in odd places [the fire is a favourite. NOT LIT!!] and we did have an issue with him pooing on the toilet floor instead of in the po. He also likes to put things down the toilet occasionally, usually when Dh is in charge.

Must go, Olly wants my attention. He just asked me if I had an udder! ! ! ! OMG Shocked

Love Maryrose xxx

Robbo2 · 14 Mar 2007

Hi ladies

Glad it's gone back to normal for you all. Mine still hasn't!!!

Maryrose - I use a PC but DS was playing on it and I was in another room when he shouted something had gone wrong - and the screen has stetched so ALL of my posts run off the page now!?* He can't remember what he did! That'll teach me for leaving him to it won't it???? Sorry but I'm absolutely PMSL at your last statement about the udder Laughing

. DS has got a thing about boobs at the minute. Although I have to say it was quite funny on holiday when he was walking with his dad along a prominade (in Spain!) and he looked over and said "Wow Daddy look" to which DP did and there was a rather large lady bathing topless - DP nearly fell over said he didn't know what to say or where to look Shocked

.

Not had any problems with the No1s or No2s in that way - although grandad let DS wee in their garden so now thinks he can in ours!!!! Hope it all goes well and they can sort something out with him.

Glad you had a nice break - I know you need it sometimes. I have to say I've been feeling really dreadful for the last couple of months since I caught one of DS's virus and now have started having tremors too - which is a bit worrying - I really need to see doc Sad

! Not sure how old any of you ladies are but is anyone Peri-menopausal? Cos I'm sure some of the way I'm feeling is linked to hormones?*!

Fill us in on things when you get chance.

Elizabeth - sorry to hear about your cousin's little one - it's all such a worry isn't it? As you say where does normal quirky behaviour turn into troublsome behaviour that needs further investigation???

DS is 4.5 so will start reception in September - I think the same as D is that right???? I think there is a few months difference between them but not sure if that means it puts them in different school years? DS is not looking forward to it Sad

! he got told off by his teacher just before he broke up and was heartbroken about it - hasn;t stopped going on about it all the time he's been off Sad

!

Good luck in the process for nunber 2. My friends have just adopted a little girl. Had a brief introduction to her but not spent any time with them yet - hope to soon though cos she seems a lovely little girl - very chatty and friendly (obviously had wonderful foster parents Smile

!) which may well help DS come out of himself a bit Smile

!

Right best be off I can hear DP chucking the pots around - which means he's not happy that I've been on PC for so long Rolling Eyes

!!!

Will be back tomorrow.

Robbo x

maryrose · 04 Apr 2006

Robbo - can't stop now but there is an easy way to rectify it. I saved it on an email to myself so I will search for it tomorrow. Its something like control and minus at same time, but will check. It alters your settings and its SOOO easy.

When is your little man's birthday? He and Olly must be very close in age as Olly is 2.5 beginning of next month.

I am sure I am peri-meno btw. AF still like clockwork, but feel like a pile of sh*te [sorry, rude!] most of the time with memory blips, mood swings and pms-like symptoms almost all the time. Kind of getting used to it - not sure if I want to to go down the HRT route really. We will see... Am big 5 0 next year!

Elizabeth - Have been stalking you a little bit with your no.2. All the best - can you tell us where you are with it?

Must go but back tomorrow. Love Maryrose xxx

maryrose · 04 Apr 2006

LOL, I meant 4.5! See what I mean??! xx

maryrose · 04 Apr 2006

Robbo - I just checked and my memory served me correctly. If you hold down the control button and tap minimise [minus] your page will condense itself. If you want to correct it, just do the same with the + button.

Robbo and Elizabeth - I forgot where I have told you up to! Upshot is that the CDS has applied for a statement on our behalf and Individual Pupil Funding whilst they do what they have to do.

We have been awarded 15 hrs IPF for Olly's last term at nursery and 25hrs from Sept., if the statutory assessment team haven't come to a decision by then.

The implications for this are...

1) If we get a statement, Olly will get into our school of choice. This will not be upon appeal though, as that is the week after next and way too soon to have heard about his statement.

2) The professionals involved in our case believe he will get a statement. I am holding onto this with everything I have!

3) If he does not get a statement, he cannot go to that school by law, as it is very over-subscribed. I am just about to accept another school place, as a contingency plan, whilst making it clear that the original 1st choice is still our school of choice.

4) The school of our choice has been amazingly fantastic since I phoned them and got them up to speed. We have already had an Action For Inclusion meeting with all involved and the SEN for the school has just been so lovely and supportive to me, esp., whilst I have been doing the dreadful Appendix A [parental contribution to his statement].
It was AWFUL! 5 sections and I wrote 4,500 words in the first 3 and effing computer died whilst I was doing it. SOOOO stressful. I kept losing passages that I had written.

5) So v weird feeling not knowing when or where my boy will go to school yet....... Goodness knows what to do about uniform. He might not even start in Sept.

Must go now, as have a letter to write to the LA.
Love Maryrose xxx

Robbo2 · 14 Mar 2007

Hi Maryrose

I had to laugh when you said Olly was 2.5 - I knew what you meant Smile

! DS is actually 4 years and 7 months (nearly Cool

- his bday is October - so he will be 1 of the oldest in the class and boy can you tell! We've just visited some friends who have a little boy but as we were walkinng to their house DS said I don't really like C any more. I asked why not and he replied because he is so naughty runs wild in their house and never listens to his mummy or daddy when they are telling him off Shocked

what can you say to that then? Now I know kids are picking up on the things we say - but it shows how much goes in doesn't it???

I too feel like sh*te! I think it's the curse of modern living though too Sad

!

Right - have just followed your instructions and it did reduce all the print but still chucked it all of the end of the page - just put more much smaller words to the line!*? Oh hum!

School choice sounds a very stressful time for you. DS has been in tears tonight cos it's his frist day back tomorrow saying he doesn't want to go - I know I have to be firm but my heart aches whenever he starts. Not so much because he is upset but more because they are at school for such a long time and if they don't like going it will be sooo miserable for them Sad

. He's been getting himself all worked up cos his teacher didn't shout his name until last to go and get his hands washed for snack and he's been going on and on and on about it and working himself into a right old lather. I know tomorrow morning will be a nightmare Sad

!!!

So - the only thing you can hope is that Olly will get a statement. When will you hear if he has? I know you can defer them starting school until the term after they turn 5 can't you? I did think about this myself but have decided against it cos everyone will be starting together and will have made friends and paired up by the time DS starts in January. Why can't things just be simple. I really hope all the hardwork you are putting in for it pays off - at least if it doesn't you know you did all you can. Got everything crossed. How much of a difference will it be if Olly has to go to the other school? Will he still get his 25 hours support regardless of which school he attends or does he lose it? Do you know what really bugs me is that these people are literally deciding his path for life. Whilst I know they have to look and asses who they think is most in need to get things - it doesn't help your situation does it?*!

Right best be off - may try and have an early night myself - like that's gonna happen!?*

Robbo x

Elizabeth hope · 20 Oct 2007

Hi ladies

D just up so wont be able to post properly now but wil do an update later.

Menopause......oh yes....its been confirmed and I'm 40 so classed as premature menopause although I know some that had it much earlier. Its a cow but less so now I am getting more used to it. Last year was horrendous. If it gets that bad again I will try HRT but then it will stim my endo so bit of a risk to that.

Maryrose....such sympathies with the school issue. It was one of the things I dreaded because its bad enough not getting school of choice when your child is not exhibiting extra needs but when they are like ours and need their little worlds quite ordered it is so much harder. When should you hear?

Robbo, yeah D is 4 and 2 months so he will be 4 and half by Sept. Its all a bit scary now to be honest.

Oh yeah, by the way, he is now dressed and watching Jake so I have found 5 mins before I need get dressed myself.

Loved the comments about Boobs and Udders.....must be an age thing.,...yesterday D said 'Mum....boys have winkies and bums don't they, Gels (girls) just have bums don't they Mum'?? Well, what you say???? I just said 'Yes, girls just have bums'!! Note to self to have that chat before he's in his teens!!! Laughing

No 2 adoption is quicker in relation to approval panel. No guarantee that they will want us again but I would ask some pretty serious questions if they didn't. Our Social worker is great, shes a bit snowed under at the mo so our panel date which was in 4 weeks is now in 8-9 weeks. If/when we get approved we wait to see if children come up. We can only take one more and has to be 0-2 so there is an age difference to D. We wont specify boy or girl because we aren't bothered, although part of me thinks girl, another part of me thinks boy so really really doesn't matter. We have all sorts of doubts about doing again but only in line with most parents...money/age/family dynamics. In the end though we are 100% committted once we get to linking and matching of children. We have heard about one little one but know very little at this stage just that there is one they are thinking might be a link. The childs social worker hasn't got back to ours though so it doesn't fill me with confidence. I got all crazy about it a couple of weeks ago but am now firmly focusing on D and any 2nd time adoption will have to fit in with us now. In my opinion with soo many children to place I think any social worker should be thrilled to work with an experienced family...if they can't see it then I am confident that one of them will further down the line. This time I am going to walk away from social workers that play games. I trust ours as she really 'gets me' but when they don't know you they make you jump through hoops and yet when you need them...well.....we saw D's social worker twice...EVER!!! I was left holding a VERY traumatised baby with specific needs and had no support. If we never get matched it will only be like someone trying for a 2nd and then having to one day call it an end. We have put a time limit on it to save us from years of waiting.

Right honestly better get dressed as will be very very late. Am sleep deprived as D keeps getting up in the night, had a row with DH at 2.30 this morning as I was in a foul mood, had a night sweat and basically fed up. Lack of hormones some days feels worse than others. A bit like PMT actually.

Have a good day

Elizabeth
xxx

maryrose · 04 Apr 2006

So many questions and so many interesting points, in your posts, ladies...

Robbo - I don't think you have to send your little man fulltime when he 1st starts, you know. So, if he finds it hard you can always adopt a graduated approach to integrate him slowly. It may help him to relax. Poor little chap, he sounds really anxious. Its good that he can articulate his anxieties though, isn't it? At least you can try to work through them with him as you know what they are. How do you try to manage it?

Elizabeth - Yes, a familiar tale, as I have 2 very good friends who have both adopted in the last few years. You are an old hand now so you will be able to play the system and not jump when bidden. I strongly disapprove of the power games that are played out in the adoption arena. Its very wrong and something needs to change asap. My friends have been through hell.

Robbo and Elizabeth - As I understand it, IPF is reviewed yearly and so, it can be taken away. If your child is granted a statement, then that stands for as long as you need it and cannot be removed unless you decide it is not needed.
The amount of one to one help given with the statement varies. 25 hrs is the max, with 32.5 being given rarely, to cover breaks and dinner. We do have a complication there, as the school of our choice have already decided that he needs 32.5hrs and they are expected to find the extra 7.5hrs out of their budget, apparently. They have made belligerent noises about this, even before we know whether he is being granted a statement!
I do agree with them though - I too think he needs 32.5hrs.

Hmmm... the big M. Not sure what to think and haven't got much time to dwell. Last FSH was 12.5. LOL, made me laugh as there was someone eggsharing on that, on the DE board!
I do feel very crabby a lot of the time, but there again, living with 2 people who are significantly on the scale for autism isn't exactly a recipe for harmony! LOL

Must go but back when I can.
Love Maryrose xxx

Robbo2 · 14 Mar 2007

Hi ladies

Just a quickie (ah ah!) as I am feeling really crappy - gonna have a bath and go to bed Sad

!

Elizabeth - can so sympathise with being handed a baby without any real background or support from them that knew his personality in the early months! I know motherhood is a big learning curve when you are a first time mum - but you had someone who could have filled you on on certain things!!! I know I worry having used a donor and not having 100% of DS's make up - so it must be double hard when adopting - IYKWIM?*! Two of my friends have adopted - 1 v recently (within the last month Smile

!) My friends who adopted their son first have had him since he was 15 months old so had no idea if he was going to have development delay or anything - he seems fine in his mental development but quite short on the physical side - especially seeing as his birth mother and father were 6' and 6'4" respectively! Having said that if that's the only problem - which it appears to be - I would thank my lucky starts Smile

! My other freinds have just got a little girl who's 3. Only met her briefly but what a lovely well adjusted little things she is - very bright, chatty and friendly (and only a little bit wary of us as strangers) so all in all a well adjusted poppet - must have had v good foster carers. I'm dying to meet up with them and get to know her better but trying to give them some private time as they had only told their immediate family what they were going through - they are so very private.

I'm sure the panel will see what you have to offer. I know when we went down the adoption route having got children from DP's previous marriage they said we would be a welcome addition to ther families. Even when we said we had decided to give our funded cycle a go they asked us to think about it again in the future despite what our outcome was from the cycle and I really am thinking at the moment cos would love to add to my family but am just a bit old to be carrying a baby I think?*! But I'm also concerend of the afect it would have on DS. I think if we had a much younger LO we would be OK cos he would want to take care of them Smile

!

Maryrose - I forgot that they didn't have to go full time. I'm not sure what to do if I'm honest - I think he should go cos then everyone will have paired up if he doesn't but am slightly worried he may find it a bit too much. Having said that yesterday wasn't nearly as bad as I expected it to be and apprently had the best day he has every had*!? Sometimes I just think he needs a gentle push in order to get over things - if that makes sense?*!

Here's hoping Olly gets his 32.5 hours then. When will you find all this out?

Mmmm - menopause - have finally taken the plunge and made an appointment at GP's. I'm absolutely bricking myself cos I feel soooo bad I've convinced myself I've got something more serious Sad

!!!

Right really am off. Have a lovely weekend f I don't get back on.

Robbo xx

Elizabeth hope · 20 Oct 2007

Maryrose you really have a very challenging situation with schools haven't you, I remember Mel one of the adoptive angels having a right time of it with her DS and had to go to appeal. it was so sad for her little man though because she wasn't able to do all the preparation stuff with himand you must be in a similar situation. Why oh why is it always the same, the kids that need certainty and lots of 'Making things safe and normal' end up being put through all this. I am sure you have already done it but could you try using language which scares them a little. In my letter to LEA I said
'It is critical that we are put into an appeal situation as the uncertainty may have a long term effect on my sons mental health and his ability to thrive in an educational environment'.
I said this, as on the phone the 'IDIOT man on the phone said 'Well if you don't get your 1st choice you can just appeal'. This was in response to my questions about evidenceing D's needs in relation to attachment and issues surrounding his adoption. I just decided...ok hun...lets make this a little clearer. I am no law expert but I am pretty sure that if you spell something out to them as a risk and they don't listen and in years to come your warning of the risks come true, you would be in a strong position to take legal action. I do this alot now, I think my job makes me have to take things to the facts of a situation and a 'If this goes wrong what might happen'.
Now lets hope he gets his statement but if you can give them any kind of nudge at appeal you will be able to at least get planning. Really hope it all works out. Will have everything crossed for you.

Robbo, I feel much the same about D at school but I have just gone with the idea that whenever I send him it will the same issues that come up so unless it is HORRENDOUS he is just going to have to get through it and we will be here for him at weekends and evenings to pick up the pieces. He already goes to nursery from 8.30 to 4 four days a week and the school is closer to home so hoping he will feel closer to us. Even writing this I am thinking 'Its going to be a nightmare' so I have all the doubts you have but I think the motto is 'Prepare for the worst and hope for the best'.

Gosh Maryrose your FSH is fab. Over the last few years I have had 18, 26, ( The one that prompted adoption) 8.3 ( I know!!) and most recently 100 and something!! I get all the flushes, night sweats, aches and pains, emotions...its rank frankly. Positives are NO painful AF and I suppose getting it over and done with early. I have all the feelings of being old before my time and thats pretty crap and total isolation because all my friends are still 'Hormonal little chicks who are at their peaks and enjoying their 30's or early 40's. I now have the issues of people my mums age and I do (sometimes ) feel so sad that all those years lost to not feeling the same as my peers whey they were all pregnant and now having to suffer the flushes in silence and knowing that in 10 years they will all go through that stage of their lives and support each other. Sorry girls I'm not selling it very well but like I say I think the premature aspect of it is the worst bit. The rest isn't too bad once you get used to it and can plan for it a bit. Haha...I have got a hand held fan in my bag, like those you take on hols. I have got a fan plugged into my PC at work and a heater by my desk as I tend to dress light and then when not in the flushes get cold. A good friend said 'Never mind, we stil love you and will fully understand when you come to parties in a Kaftan' Laughing

I did remind her that she is grey and I am not but I think thats prob only because I have blonde hair'.

Robbo, if it helps last year when they said it was the menopause for a moment I was relieved as I thought it was something much worse'.

Got an email yesterday from my social worker (SW) to say that little ones SW want to meet us and the dates in for July. This is fab because we can get facts now and ALL decide if this is a good link. It will be weird to do it this way round but better for the little one because it will allow the SW to plan.

Said to Dh this morning that with D's school prep and adoption it is too easy to forget to get excited about our hols in September. Its in 10 weeks last night!!! Which means D's at school in 12 weeks!!!! Argghhh Shocked

Have lovely day

Elizabeth
xxx

maryrose · 04 Apr 2006

Gosh! Just read both your posts, ladies and there are so many things to post back to that I have forgotten already. Sorry in advance.

Firstly - urgghhh! The big M!

Elizabeth - so sorry that you have been through POF. I didn't know your history. Your post brought tears to my eyes. Its very hard to go through something out of sync. with your peers as it sets you apart. Oh, how well I know that, albeit in a very different way.

Firstly, I had my big boy by complete accident at 23, when all of my friends were clubbing and carefree. And I was a single Mum.
I am not complaining as I did the right thing in knuckling down to motherhood and even then, at such a tender age, I knew I was blessed to have this beautiful baby. But it was hard I cannot deny.

LOL, and same scenario when I had Olly, as all my friend's children were teenagers and about to fly the nest and so their parents almost made the sign of the cross at us, as they were looking back at what they had recently come through and of course, had no fertility issues so would not undertand how very precious my boy is. Probably were scared it might infect them. How ironic to us IF ladies.

Anyway, never mind as that is how it is and it is up to us to make the best of the deal we are given. We are wiser, I think, due to the trouble and strife we have been through.

Robbo - Hope your results are just fine. You are most probably right when you say modern day living is a curse. We are subject to so many pressures.

I must be on countdown to the big M. [That FSH was a while ago so it could have risen dramatically!] I am burying my head in the sand really - or maybe it is that I have other things to prioritise. Am trying to ignore it anyway and tell myself it is a natural process.

Elizabeth - Yes and no! Yes, it is a real worry not being able to prepare and plan and no, the appeal is a formality.
We will not win as it would be illegal. The class is full. Yes, he has 25hrs IPF, but that can be removed. As I understand it, the only way he will get in is if he is given a statement and so we must wait for that decision. When a child is given a statement, the LA approaches the school of choice, I think and it is difficult for them to refuse as they have the funds for a person to be with that child all the time.
Not only is the class full but they have a waiting list, as children in the immediate vicinity have not got in and families are split because the school is so over-subscribed.

I have left this week as its the 1st week back after half term and they had inset days, but on Monday I am contacting the SEN to ask for a meeting to plan for all eventualities.
The professionals involved think that we will hear in the school hols. Ho hum... how on earth do we arrange for him to start in Sept. and have an appropriate worker to be with him for a Sept start???

Olly is not Like Robbo's little man. He loves to be out and about and demands to know where he is going if we are not out of the house by 9.30am. He thrives on his childcare environments despite all the probs we have had.
LOL, this is a bit of a trial, Robbo - never think that there are not advantages to personality differences! Olly gets very distructive and almost claustrophic at weekends and hols.

I have digressed, but the point I am making is that he simply cannot stay at home. He would go stir crazy! Plus, he is now interacting, talking and playing beautifully with some children and these new found skills MUST be encouraged.

So, yes I am worrying about it, but on the other hand, Olly is just Like DH in that he is happy-go-lucky and doesn't stress about the unknown [as far as I know!] If Olly was an anxious child, I would be beside myself I think.

I, myself am trying not to think about it too much as I go into panic mode when I do. Nothing to be gained from that. We have accepted a place at a different school, on the understanding that he will only go there if he does not get a statement. I need to turn my focus onto them, as haven't even spoken to them yet! I know that sounds mad, but I do know lots about the school and obviously, living in a rural area we have to make a practical decision too, with regards to the logistics of getting him there and back!
[5 schools within a 6 mile radius - 2 we have been turned down for, of which 1 we have set our sights on as 1st choice, 1, 5 mins down our lane we have declined, 1 we have accepted as contingency and the other is a little too far out.] Complicated!

I have done my own head in now, thinking about it, lol.

Elizabeth - you must be quite excited at the prospect of having another little one to join you. Hope it all goes swimmingly but no doubt will be speaking to you lots before then.

Love Maryrose xxx

Robbo2 · 14 Mar 2007

Hi ladies

Just a quickie - honest!!! As fighting my with my new tablet and trying to download things then says they're not there!!!!! I wish I had an IT brain Sad

!

Elizbath - can I just ask on the Meno front - you say aches and pains - this sounds daft but what sort of aches and pains??? I'm just finding that if I do any exercise out of my normal "remit" I'm aching horrendously - like it's making me feel ill because of it?*! I know when I was pregnant had really bad wrist pain and they put it down to carpal tunnel and said it would probably go when I had baby - and literally I could feel it dissappearing over the days after I delviered DS! But I just feel to kn*ckered with this Sad

! Think I may have to start a thread and ask some questions.

Do you have issues with little D going to school too? I hadn't realised this was an area you too were having problems with!

Maryrose - DS is VERY anxious. He's been fine for last couple of weeks of going to nursery. His teacher says she had never seen him fit in so well - mixing, playing with the others etc. I was getting quite releaved - until tonight Sad

! He's gone into major meltdown cos over the next 3 weeks we will be having a 2 hour session in his new class room. On Thursday we both go but I leave him in the class whilst I go and meet with Headteacher. Then the week after he goes by himself then third week he goes by himself then we both stay for lunch. Well he's set off tonight saying he doesnt want me to leave him cos he feels so lonely and sad when I've gone Sad

. I feel soooooo bad and just can't get through to him. the strange thing is he's started bringing his Nana up again just out of the blue. I've always answered his questions whenever he's asked but I had tried not to mention it so much off my own back until he'd calmed doown with it all. We have pictures in our house that he sees everyday so it's not like she's not around us. Don't know if him talking about her more and the upset about starting school are linked or he's just going to hate school for ever which makes me sad (especially as I liked school!).

Well will have to see what tomorrow brings - I live in dread of his reactions cos I hate to see him so upset Sad

!

Gonna go play with my tablet - which stresses me out also!!!

Robbo x

Elizabeth hope · 20 Oct 2007

Arhh Robbo, did his nana die? I am so sorry if this is the case. Was she your Mum or your Dh's? Either way, it must be very upsetting for you too so in many ways your might both be struggling and school is also another area that you are both struggling with, so in many ways the brain tends to 'Hook' up with the all the painful stuff together. I really don't know if this is making any sense at all but when you get an emotion say of insecurity you can get 'Hijacked' by feelings of the last time you felt insecure, this means you get a double whammy. So my advice would be to buy a book that helps DS with his loss of his nana. There are some good books around 'Always and forever', ' Where are you?' are two I have seen. This wont help school but it will help you to help DS to know he can talk to you about his nana. When children see us upset they get insecure because it makes them feel we can't cope. Isn't it better to let them know that losing Nana was really upsetting and a good way of expressing that is to cry and that nothing bad happens when we cry. A brilliant woman from our LEA encouraged me to say to D in relation to his issue around some foods...'It's ok'. Now that sounds very simple but since then we look straight at D and just say 'It's ok' and then he knows it is. We often miss the simple stuff.
Look at it from his perspective, he lost someone he loved and if he goes to school (which is very scary for him) he might lose you too. Now that prospect is SUPER scary. I really think they are linked and when you deal with one your lessen the anxiety of the other. For both of you ((HUGS)).

Menopause for me started just after my dad died, AF's really dropped off and then 9 months later (the month I turned 40) they just stopped altogether and the flushes started, I don't mean little warming up moments I mean drenched in sweat ( mmm Nice) in a shop in 10 seconds. DH had turned to look at something and then he turned around again and just went 'OMG' what happened?? I looked like I had jumped in a river. The aches and just general, everthing feels old. I felt it in my back the most at first, ankles, knees, right hip......haha this is just not selling the menopause is it???!!! Another benefit is that you are so knackered that you just don't suffer fools anymore. Grumpy old woman...yes but I am a people pleaser and I find now I just go...Nah.....too much energy.

Maryrose, How are you? You sounded a bit fed up and I had seen somewhere that you had a bad week. Hope things are better. It really sounds to me that you are on your game with the situation around Ollys school. It will be taking alot out of you so try and make sure that you compensate yourself for this, whether it is a good book, a trip out with a friend, an early night...wotever really...but do something because this whole thing is sooo stressfull.... it will be worth it though wont it once hes got the right school with the right support.

Right, woke up early so thought I'd have 5 mins catch up on here to distract myself from all the things I am stressing about. One....how do you put 3 lbs on in 2 days when you haven't been eating badly and then find it IMPOSSIBLE to get it off. When previously you didn't have to do too much for the weight to steadily come off. I have been on a 'Non diet diet' which is just eating what I want as long as I am sensible and just keeping a general round up of calories. It was working great but for 6 weeks I have put on and lost the same 3 lbs but this week they are NOT coming off. Think its stress!! I have got 3 stone to lose, lost 16 and half pounds so far (but it was 19 and a half!!!!!) and really want to get a stone and half off minimum in 10 weeks. Please send 'Healthy weight loss vibes'. Colleague at work has lost 2 stone and at one point I had lost more than her. Think that motivated her as she is uber competitive. Now all she talks about is her weight loss...arggghhh. Sorry that terribly greeen eyed of me. I am pleased for her.

Better go get ready for work. D still asleep and he needs a shower.

Elizabeth
xxx

Elizabeth hope · 20 Oct 2007

Crikey, that post looks like 'War and peace'!! Laughing

Robbo2 · 14 Mar 2007

Elizabeth - yes DP's mum just before Christmas. It was all really stressful too - particularly for DS Sad

! Although at the time he seemed to take it in his stride. I won't go into full detail but shortened - MIL been ill most of year kept doing Bone Marow Biops as probs with white blood cells. 5 days before we were due to fly to USA diagnosed with leukemia. Docs said would be OK for us to go so we did got a call half way through hols saying MIL deteriorating rapidly could DP get home, he did and left us there. She was still with us when we got home so I got to see her but DS didn't as she was in isolation in hospital and didn't want to come home Sad

. I have to say it has also hit me so hard - I think probably cos it highlights how precious our lives are and highlights the mortality of our loved ones. I really do feel so so v sad about it all. DS seemed fine. We tried to talk to him about it school lent us books and a councillor also sent us some. We read them to him and he really did not want to read the books so we did a couple of times tried to bring nana up when we were talking about them but he was having none of it so we just left it. He then went into meltdown with school (never having been really hooked in the first place!). As you say he was soooo fearful that I wasn't going back for him - and only me - didn't worry about anyone else particularly. I think this is what's worrying me so now - what's wrong with me and am I going to be OK for DS. I have everything from a trapped nerve to MS to a brain tumour :'-(!)Anyway we were told things would get worse before they got better with DS's behaviour - but they didn't really he calmed down much quicker than I expected him to but now anything new crops up and he goes into fear mode. I do think it's all linked - but it's breaking that cycle. it does appear to be getting a little easier and he's much calmer today about going to look at his new classroom cos they've gone through it all at nursery about what will happen - gone to bed a different boy Smile

! So here's hoping x

As for weight loss - I'm diabetic and each time I get weighd - every 12 months - I've put either 1 or 2 lb on! Nurse says oooh it's only a pound or 2 - yeah but that's everytime I go!!!! So sorry no advice.

Meno - I feel like I've been hit with a sledgehammer if I even do the slightest bit of exercise out of the norm Sad

! I just really do feel ill. What's really bothering me is the v slight tremors I seem to keep getting - will see what doc has to say.

Maryrose - hope you're OK - not seen other posts but will try and have a look in a bit. As Elziabeth says - the school thing will be sooo taking it out of you - so get some me time when you can.

Right off for a bath and bed - after my war and peace too!!!

Night night

Robbo x

maryrose · 04 Apr 2006

Evening Ladies,

How are you both tonight?

Robbo - I am guessing that your little man's personality just predisposes him to worrying. Some of us are like that. On the other hand, it does not mean that he will be like that into adulthood.
I am thinking of one of my big boy's friends and going back 15+ years in time. This friend of my older son's was also my childminder's son. He was a lovely boy, so sensitive and intelligent and fabulous company-you could have a real giggle with him.
His Mum was so worried about him and to be honest I could see why. But, it was amazing - he came through school unscathed, went to uni., had loads of mates and moved to Bristol with a new job.
His anxiety as a young child has not held him back at all. He's done really well for himself and is a lovely, well-rounded young man now.
I do think that Elizabeth's theory is bang on. As an ex-social worker I saw this all the time [the double whammy effect]. If it was me, I would play down the upsetting effects of losing his Nana and be very pragmatic about people dying [obviously whilst being sympathetic]. Children do take their lead from you and if you are expecting him to be upset, he will sense this.

Sorry, but am now going to have to tell you something to lighten the moment which I am sure will both horrify you and make you scream with laughter. Talk about one of those 'Beam Me Up Scotty' moments.

In my previous life as a social worker, I was assessing a YP [young person] who was reported as going off the rails since he lost his beloved grandfather. These kids were often LAC and the ones that weren't, had and were going through all sorts of trauma. It was all very sad.

OMG! He told me about the bereavement and I had a gut feeling something else was amiss too. I tried to ask this poor boy if there was anything else worrying him, but couldn't make up my mind whether to say 'bugging' or 'bothering'.
Guess what? I accidentally came out with "Is anything or anyone else buggering you?" !!!!!! Shocked

Honestly, I wanted to die. It certainly got this kid's attention though! Never been so embarrassed in my life Embarassed

Social workers, eh?!

Elizabeth - will post to you separately as bit kerknackered now. Yes, had bad week last week and even worse weekend. Really lost my cool with Dh. More later

Love Maryrose xxx still horrified about that particular memory

Robbo2 · 14 Mar 2007

Hiya ladies

Maryrose - I was absolutely PMSL at the Social Worker story. Reminds me of a time with ex husband - not embaressing in that way but we were in Florida and when we first started going there were lots of Brazilian electrical stores along International Drive. We were v young but ex and I were in 1 of these stores and the sales staff were all talking Spanish. When 1 had finished he came over to us us and said "Can I help you?" my ex said "Yes do you speak English?" Shocked

I just looked at him and he gave me the "WHAT?" look until he realised he had just asked him in English!!!!

I'm sorry too as I have to have a little self indulgant post tonight. I have the most delightful child you could ever wish for - I've always knowns this - but today he has been absolutely brill! We got into school and all his classmates were on the floor playing. I asked him if he wanted to and he said no so I didn't push it. He'd been up since 6 saying he was a little bit scared (he normally doesn't see the morning until at least 8.00 - even on school days!) so I told him to come in and give me a cuddle. He was so scared that 5 minutes later he was snoring his little head off! The teachers came in and took them off and he went quite willingly - only a little nervous wave but he was OK (think I felt worse than him Sad

!). We were left to find out what was going to be happenning and have a chat with each other etc and an hour later DS came out beaming and saying what a brillinat time he had - and he likes his new teacher and class room much better than his old one and he wants to go back there instead of nursery - OOOOh long may it continue I say Smile

! He's been to friends tonight and they had visitors and he has had them roaring with laughter - however the kids were older - all 12/13 mark and he's had a whale of a time! I sat watching him play at mum and dad's tonight and he was being so polite and caring and loving it just made my throat hurt holding back the tears watching him. Maryrose he sounds so like your friends son. I don't know what he'll turn out like as he gets older - as none of us do! But if today has been anything to go by he will be the same well adjusted, happy caring man that your friends DS turned into - and that's all we can ask for at the end of the day. I was just soooo proud of him.

Maryrose - you're right I've tried to take the focus away from Nana and explained the circle of life with other things. Like the flowers in the garden and little insects or birds that we've seen dead. Although I have to say I was a bit horrified yesterday when we went to a petting farm and they had dead chicks all over the owl enclosure for the owls and birds of prey to eat!!!! Now I know they have to feed them but I can't remember ever seeing them fed like that before!!!! Anyway one of our main problems is that we have another elderly close family friend who is very ill and frail at the moment and he keeps asking if she's going to be OK. My mum keeps saying oooh yes she will be fine - which I'm not happy about - she's 86 for goodness sake and v v frail!!! Soooo I've been trying to explain that when we get very old our body stops working and that's what happened to Nana. I've not mentioned this for a good few months now but the other day DS was swinging in the garden and he just said Nana - as though something had just jogged his memory. He said to DP we can't visit cos she's still poorly in hospital. Now this is the first time he's spoken to DP about it of his own accord. So DP said well no you know she's died so that means we can't see her any more. DS asked where she had gone and so DP explained that we believe she's gone to Heaven and looking down on us all and taking care of us. So just out of the blue - we've never explained it to him - but he has this idea (he keeps singing it when my dad pushes him on the swings!) that Heaven is beautiful and it's the best place to be. Which I think is kind of nice that he thinks that she's gone to this nice place and will try and keep that thought going for him. He said he missed her at the weekend cos we were going to DP's brothers wedding. Now this is a bit spooky thinking about it but when we got to the reception and waiting for dinner, DS started writing a list of all his family members that were there. Me, his dad, his sister, his grandpa, his brother hadn't gone and he NEVER even mentioned him but then at the bottom of the list he just wrote Nana - never said anything further and just carried on drawing something else. I'm not really into these thoughts but having thought about it yesterday it made me wonder if he had had some awareness of her being there.

Well I'm waffling now and done another war and peace!!! really need to have a bath and bed before DP gets in from work!

Hope things have calmed down a little for you Maryrose??

Have a lovely weekend all. DS and I are off to Skeggy for the weekend - DP's staying at home for a boys weekend - so rather than me sat at home whilst he's out till goodness knows what time we're gonna have a wet weekend in Skeggy!

Robbo x

maryrose · 04 Apr 2006

Just bobbed back on as my post turned out to be predominantly to Robbo last night and then I just ran out of steam!
Found out why this morning - have succumbed to a cold. Boo hoo.

Elizabeth - you are filling me with dread on the subject of the big M. LOL I don't want any of those symptoms thank you very much, whilst sympathising with you very much! Am having a funny time of it at the mo. I guess this is peri-meno, but have very sore and bigger (. )( .), retching whilst doing teeth, acid indigestion, feeling emotionally wobbly and generally the kind of symptoms you associate with being P/G.
An unkind trick when you know that you are not.

Got a right old week of it coming up...

Monday - school appeal. A mere formality but still got to be there and that will cost me Â£50 in lost wages for that morning [am self-employed].
Tuesday - Ditto to the lost wages - Olly got paediatric app. Dh not coming as he can't afford to take Mon, Tues and Wed off work and cricket for the Over-50s on Wed., takes priority over absolutely everything else Evil or Very Mad

Hence, bad week last week
Wednesday - Back to work and meeting with lovely SEN at school of choice p.m.
Thursday - Normal day but got an extra customer and am worried about them. Going to be trouble I just know it.
Friday - Work a.m., meeting with CDS p.m. Dh will be stressing as he will have Olly in the afternoon and will be behind with his work due to taking Wed. off.

I am so not happy with him. I might as wel be a single Mum in loads of respects. Zero support on the SEN thing. He always moans about money but does not support me working - that really annoys me as it is unfair.

Sorry, suddenly realised this is me, me , me! Not in a good place domestically though. Last weekend was the pits and there was a big blow up. Dh said he was leaving and I was so incensed after the week I had had that my response was "Good!"
Think this served to make my dh realise that it would be him, if one parent did and probably shook him up. He has ben ingratiating since, but only because he has suddenly understood the financial implications, I think. Not good.

Robbo - Great news that your little man has perked up. Keep that positivity going!

Love Maryrose, not feeling too happy right now xxx

Robbo2 · 14 Mar 2007

Hi ladies

Sorry not had much chance to post - doing lots of homewrok at the mo so a bit hectic . I'm off now until next Monday but got 2 docs appointments and a school visit this week to fit in - feel like i'm a headless chicken!*?

Maryrose - How's this week going? Not as stressful as it sounds I hope??? What about DH - have things calmed down there? Men are so blind sometimes - and I have to say they are all the same! I sit and read all the Ofsted reports, listen to what the teachers are saying and worry myself stupid - whilst DP just takes it all in his stride and tells me I'm over reacting Mad

MEN hey???

Elizabeth - hope you and little D OK?

Have you both started having a look around the schools your boys will go to yet? I suppose you have a bit of a problem yet Maryrose if no decision has been made? It's a bit of a pain that you can't start initiating Olly into his new school isn't it?

Right really must go and do some work! At docs tomorrow and worrying myself stupid Sad

! I think the older you get the more you worry about what you may have don't you? (or is it just me????)

Night

Robbo x

maryrose · 04 Apr 2006

Robbo - no time to worry about me!
What a week!

I will copy you part of the post have just put on my home thread. This is one small part of what is happening this week. Have already got lots more news from today and another appointment tomorrow.

Back in a mo.
XXX

maryrose · 04 Apr 2006

"Quick update on yesterday. What a fiasco! Appeal consisted of 2 sessions - presentation by LA spokesperson [sp???] for all the parents who were appealing for that school and then the individual sessions for parents.
1st thing that happened was that I realised we had not had all the relevant paperwork. This put me in a flat spin and when, at the end of the presentation, I told them, it put them in a flat spin too!
Proceedings were ajourned and we could have asked to go back, on another date but Dh made the decision to proceed, once we had the paperwork and had looked through it.

Whole process took 3 hours - argghhhh! - for a procedure that is a formality for us as we won't win the appeal and must wait for the decision of the statement.
It ws gruelling and stressful and OMG, DH!!!!!!! That is absolutely the last time I take him with me to any of the appointments.
He was there in body but not in mind. Apart from that decision, he said not one word and only served to add to my stress, as he was harrumping at all the time it was taking. I saw the clerk looking at him oddly too. Goodness knows what she was thinking. It made me feel so uncomfortable. He was actually a detriment to me as I couldn't think properly as he was adding to my stress.

The 1st thing he said when we got out was "---- will be wondering where his figures are."

I said "You did tell him didn't you, that it was Olly's school appeal this morning and they would be late. Because you know, it is absolutely acceptable for people to take some time off, for other committments once in a while."
He said "Errrr... no."
FFS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! He drives me mad. I just do not know what I am going to do with him ............................ yet.

And then tonight - sh*t! Just had a bit of a shock. He is completely out of the loop.
Olly has had a paediatric consultant appointment today and when I was telling DH about what had transpired, he said something that completely rocked me on my heels as it was so totally and wildly inaccurate with where we are at.
Freaked me out tbh. I am now thinking that the reason he didn't say anything yesterday was because he doesn't understand what the **** is going on. HEEEEEEEEELLLLLLP!

Better go, but everything coming to a head I think. Its all too weird trying to deal with an adult who has same problem as the child we are parenting."

Love Maryrose xxx

Elizabeth hope · 20 Oct 2007

OMG Maryrose......apart from thinking we might be married to the same man (So much of what I have just read reminds me of my own DH) all I can say is you sound utterly at break point. I only hope that your not met with any door to door sales people/phone sale/or get get cut up in the car because I feel their futures could be uncertain if they are the one to tip you over!! I don't think you will murder your hubby as I feel you would have already if you were going to but you must be very tempted!!

Has your hubby been diagnosed with ASD or do you think he has markers? Only 2 weeks ago I said to DH when when he seemed concerned that he was awol from work....'You have booked this time haven't you'? He said 'NO I couldn't as too many were on hols'. I then reminded him of the importance of the situation and that I have to take time off work regardless for D's appointments. The other thing that rang true was that your DH is not up to date with what is happening......I have lost count of how many times I just stare at DH and wonder how he 'Just hasn't a clue' in spite of my efforts to brief him. I sometimes email him or send him an outlook invite so that I know appointments are in his computer. I also take his phone every now and again and transfer appointments from my calender to his. I have never thought DH is ASD but just very 'Male Brain' and he only takes out of a converstation what he thinks is interesting so its all fragmented information. He is a great Dad and he still has flashes of being the man I met and in fact I don't think he's changed, I think his quirks are just more noticeable to me.

Last thing on the DH situation......yes.....def take a friend next time instead and choose one that really takes in information so you don't have to. It is exhausting doing all your doing but it is testiment to the brill Mum you are. Its like a gallop at the moment and with lots of fences to get over but before long you will be able to nibble the grass in the meadow and chill out a bit safe in the knowledge you left no stone unturned in the quest to make school a great platform for Olly. Remember......IT'S ALL ABOUT OLLY!!!!!

Good luck Robbo at Docs, I am sure you are going to be fine but I empathise by how worrying it can be. D is going up to his new school for half hour on Thursday and he will go for another 5 sessions in all between now and the end of school term.

D is still under the weather so I am going into work late....in fact hes still asleep...in mummys bed of course!!

Elizabeth
xxx

maryrose · 04 Apr 2006

Elizabeth - thanks for post. You made me laugh out loud with your 1st paragraph - SO TRUE! Its the little things that tip you over the edge. In my case, it was big DS [another story!] who would have got a clip around the ear last night if I could have reached. LOL, I had to settle for a well-aimed kick in the shin and yes, I am ashamed, but if you had heard how he spoke to me you would agree it was justified. Embarassed

Think its done him good, tbh. He's being much more polite and helpful today.

I had to let a little bit of rage out last night - hence the rant. Life is hard at the mo., from every perspective.

Latest news is that Olly is going to be assessed with the ADOS screening tool [autism in children] in the relatively near future, as the cons with the specialism, who was on longterm sick leave, has now left and they have replaced him. Its only taken 6 months! Rolling Eyes

Had meeting at the school where we hope Olly will go, today. Not as good as I hoped, but probably as good as can be, realistically. Something is bugging me about it and I haven't quite put my finger on what it is yet...
Anyway, its a horrible place to be and now, the school we have accepted a place at [just in case he does not get a statement] has made contact, so will have to bring them up to speed on a very complicated situ.

Robbo - How did you get on at docs?

Elizabeth - thank you for lovely post and hope little man is better tonight.

Love Maryrose xxx